A Family Needs Your Help

Instead of answering a question, today's post is for a dear friend, who's family is going through an emotional roller coaster.

Here's a little history...

Cindy and Patrick, a newly married couple, wanted nothing more than to bring a new life into their family. For over 18 months, they tried and tried to get pregnant. When they were finally successful, Cindy had a miscarriage. Determined to have a family, they continued trying. Six months later, the couple found out that they were going to be the proud parents of not one, but two babies--- yep,twins!!!

Cindy and Patrick, along with their tightly knitted family, knew that this was such a blessing. Without any complications throughout the pregnancy, the family had no reason to believe that they would be facing any problems. However, when she gave birth last week, things did not go according to the plan.

Cindy gave birth to two beautiful babies-- Bryce Nicholas and Mallory Elizabeth Fuller. Bryce, a healthy baby boy, weighed in at 7lbs and 15oz. Unfortunately, Mallory, weighing only 5lbs and 7oz, experienced major complications upon her entrance to our world. Upon taking her first breath, Mallory's lungs tore, and she immediately had to be hooked up to machines to stay alive.

Mallory was transported to Oschner hospital shortly after her birth, which did not allow her mother to be with her. While Cindy stayed hospitalized with Bryce, Patrick made the decision to follow his baby girl. After further testing, it was discovered that Mallory's kidneys had no function, nor could she breath on her own. After hours of trying, the decision was made to disconnect her from the machines.

Only experiencing 23 hours of this world, Mallory touched the hearts of this loving family for a few hours, and now she's gone.

I can't even begin to fathom how Cindy and Patrick must feel. How do you celebrate the life of one child, while mourning the loss of another? Though Cindy is saddened by the loss of Mallory, baby Bryce needs her to be a strong mother. Cindy's family is working together to ensure that this unfortunate event is as painless as possible for Cindy.

As you know, with death comes expenses. After 9 months of preparing for life, Cindy and Patrick must face the inevitable-- burying their little girl. So, Ask 3 Guys is asking for your help. Funeral expenses, of course, are not cheap. So, if you could help with a small donation, your generosity will go a long way. This young couple could use the help, so we are asking everyone to visit our site, http://www.ask3guys.com/, and click the "Donate" button on the left of the home page to assist Cindy and Patrick. We will issue the family a check after the donations are received.

Even though the donation feature on our site uses Paypal, you do not have to have a Paypal account to use it. You can simply donate using your credit card or debit card, and you can be confident that this is a 100% secured transaction.

Thank you so much for helping, and be sure to tell your friends and family about this unfortunate event. Our prayers are with Cindy and Patrick, and we want to do everything possible to help them out during these unfortunate times.

And, by the way, Bryce is doing great, and we know that Mallory will always be looking down on him.

Best Regards,

Ask 3 Guys

Romance from the male's perspective

Dear Ask 3 Guys,

I was just telling my boyfriend yesterday how sexy I think he is when he is focused on some thing important, how hot he is when he's working, how cute he is when he smiles, & how adorable he is when he laughs.

I also find a way to let him know that I love his ass almost every day. lol

Yesterday, I gently touched all of my favorite places on his body & as my hands approached each area I said some thing nice about that spot.

Do you think it will make him cocky if I do this too often?

--Ego Booster
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Dear EB,

Ronnie's Take:

It always feels good to hear good things about yourself. You can't get enough and no harm can come from over telling him. Nobody will break up with you for over-complimenting them.

--Ronnie
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Victor's Take:

I think it is possible to be overly nice... everyone is different.

I want someone who is going to challenge me and also someone who is, in a constructive way, going to point out my imperfections and laugh at them with me. I'm 135lbs soaking wet. If I'm with a woman that says, "I love your hot body!" I'm going to see right through that crap. It would be nice to hear though... LOL!!

Simply put, life is all about moderation. Don't overdo any aspect of it, including being too nice.

--Victor
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Eddie's Take:

That is a tough one-- well... maybe not. Of course it is nice to get compliments. Actually, it feels pretty damn good. Think about how it would feel to be on the receiving end of your body part journey. I'm sure that it would tickle your fancy.

However, I do think there is a point when you can go overboard. Just remember one thing-- keep it genuine. Don't do it just because you think you have to. Do it because you want to.

--Eddie
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Too Confused over Two

Dear Ask 3 Guys,

I have been dating this guy for about three and a half months now. He is really great. He respects me, hears me out, and just has an overall fantastic personality. He is 2 years older than me. I really like this guy, and I don't want to end things with him anytime soon, but there is another person that I am friends with, that I am starting to develop feelings for who is also 2 years older than me. My bf knows we are just friends, but gets incredibly jealous when he sees me and my friend together. 2 of my friends have said that this guy likes me, they say they can tell, because he smiles when he sees me and when I'm around him he always has to touch my shoulder, arm, or back. I'm starting to see this myself. I want to be with him, but I REALLY do NOT want to end things with the guys I am currently with. I don't know what I should do.

--Too Confused
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Dear TC,

Victor's Take:

Ahhhh... the quintessential "The grass is greener on the other side conundrum"....

Knowing your exact age would help me to guide you in answering this question, under 25 / over 25 - I would have different advice.

Your boyfriend gets jealous because he senses - and accurately so - that you have feelings beyond friendship for your friend.

Although this won't be a popular answer, I'm rolling with this:

You never mentioned you loved or were in love with your boyfriend. Also, I'm also going to assume that you are under 25, I'm guessing 20. Based on those observations & assumptions, play the field. Break up with the boyfriend, after telling him the truth, and move on. I think you should stay single until you are 25, and not even think about marriage until 30. Again, I know
- not going to be a popular answer, but - it is what it is.

Your responsibility here, in my humble opinion, is to the TRUTH. You are already hiding things from your boyfriend - this is not fair to him. Not to mention, I'm sure it cannot be easy to walk around hiding the truth. It's time to fess up.

Or, you need to completely walk away from the "friend", cutoff all communication, and never look back - still telling the boyfriend the truth and explaining to him that from this point forward you are committed to making things work with him. Based on your question, I don't think you can do that. So, I'm going with Option A for you.

--Victor
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Ronnie's Take:

First, I will assume the current relationship is exclusive. You can't have your cake and eat it to. The good news is you only have a few months into the current relationship. Are you willing to risk losing the current bf for a chance with the new guy? You can try to explain to the current bf that you want to see other people and him also. You enjoy your time with him, but just aren't ready to rule out all other people. That could really mess up your current relationship. Use your heart. Make the best choice you can. Ultimately, it's just a feel thing with no right or wrong. Enjoy having two interesting guys interested in you. Communicate as best you can and always be honest, even when negative results can come from it. It will be worse later to explain out of a lie (I mean don't cheat on the current bf).

--Ronnie
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Eddie's Take:

I'm assuming that you are still a teenager, so don't beat yourself up over this. The best thing that you can do is to not concern yourself with the emotions of others when making a decision that is best for you. Don't worry about hurting the current guy's feelings if you want to be with someone else. If you were really into your current guy, you would not even be asking us this question. It sounds like the new guy is giving you positive attention, and, perhaps, he is filling a void that they current guy is incapable of filling. The bottom line is that you have to be happy with your decisions. Unfortunately, none of us can tell what the future holds.

Make your own decision... just be aware that you have to be able to deal with the consequences. There are no guarantees in life. So, just weight out your options, and hope for the best.

--Eddie
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My Old Man is Cheating and Lying

Dear Ask 3 Guys,

I have been dating this guy for over a year and we have a son together. He has an ex that he dated for 4 years. I knew that he was talking to his ex, but he says that they are just friends. I told him that I don't want him talking to her, because she is nothing but trouble for him, and causes problems for us. He says he doesn't want her. She tells me that they are still sleeping together. I know that she is obsessed with him and will do anything to break us up. He has admitted to sleeping with her because he got to drunk and she was around, but he says that is the only time they did anything. He claims he wants to be with me, but he still talks to her. We even switched phone numbers, so she would not be able to call him, and she now has his new number. Should I believe her when she says they are still sleeping with each other or him? My gut instinct says she is lying because she says things, like the reason he talks to her is because he loves her, and one day when she sent him a text with I love you, I sent a text back with the same and she wrote back "his name" is that you. So that tells me he isn't telling her he loves her like she is saying. I'm so confused, because he has admitted to cheating and I don't know who to believe-- the obsessed woman or the admitted cheater? Please help if you can.

--Baffled
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Dear Baffled,

Victor's Take:

Before you take any advice from me, try marriage counseling...

I think it takes a certain type of person to forgive a cheater. I think there are some people that are just incapable of it. I'm ok with either angle, but you have to know which one you are. If you are the former, great.

If you are, however, the latter - punt. If you cannot forgive - completely, it is time to move on.

If you forgive - he needs to cease all contact with his ex and do whatever it takes to make that happen. No excuses.

I am a huge proponent of keeping in touch with exes. I have talked about it ad nauseam in both my answers to these questions, as well as in my personal writing and blogs. We he had sex with his ex, he gave up his right to retain contact with her and still be in a relationship with you. Just my opinion...

I will, however, go back to my original point. If you cannot forgive him, don't stay any longer. The relationship won't work.

--Victor
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Ronnie's Take:

Clearly some grey area here. The main thing is moving forward. He must stop all contact with her. If he doesn't have an interest in her, and is committed to you, then he can handle it. I don't think he can, because she wound up with the changed number. Unless she has an inside contact(i.e. another close friend of both). If there is smoke, there is usually fire. I see fire. If you are worth it, he will drop all contact with her. He should be an open book and allow you to check his phone calls and texts and emails if he wants to regain your trust from cheating on you. It's probably move on time.

--Ronnie
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Eddie's Take:

I'm sorry to break it to you, but this guy sounds like he is playing you. If he changed his number, why the hell would she have it? There could be a slight possibility that she is a crazy ex that is stalkerish, but I doubt it. Plenty of times an ex will seem like a crazy stalker, but what we don't see is that the person they are chasing is leading them on-- a false sense of hope if you will. This sounds like the case. He frequents her, he has sex with her, he talks to her... all of which sends her the message that he wants her. This is why she continues to pursue him.

Tell your beau to shit or get off the pot. If I were you, I would just move on. I know that with a child it will be very difficult. If you are a person that easily forgives, then you can give it a shot. If that is the case, both of you have to agree that it is water under the bridge. Don't stay for the wrong reasons.

Best of luck to you.

--Eddie
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He cheated. Can I ever forgive him?

Dear Ask 3 Guys,

Can you ever really forgive a spouse for cheating? Can you get past the infidelity and have a strong relationship and marriage?

--Torn
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Dear Torn,

Victor's Take:

I talked about this before in another question... I think the guys answers here will be varied. Here is my take:

I think there are two types of people in the world.

1) Those who can TRULY forgive their cheating spouse.
2) Those who can't.

If you are #2, move on. You will live your life with an underlying resentment that will undermine everything that occurs in your relationship.
Period, end of discussion.

If you are #1, still go to marriage counseling. It will help you to get to what you are once again looking for - a strong and healthy marriage.

I wish you all the best.

--Victor
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Ronnie's Take:

Yes you can is the first answer. Is it very tough? YES, It takes two commented people. First the adult-er must by completely commented to making it work. The adult-er must be completely honest about why they did it. The adult-er must be a complete open book. They must be okay with text messages,emails, cell phone records being checked randomly at any time. This trust factor must be regained. The partner must NOT continue to throw it up in their face. It must be dropped and giving a true chance. It must not be the excuse for every fight that comes up after the fact. The partner must allow the adult-er to be truly honest for the reason of cheating. NOTHING justifies cheating, but there are factors that can lead to cheating. Some factors the partner can help with. Some factors come strictly within the adult-er. I'll give the example of my ex-wife and I. We both cheated on each other. I was insecure in myself growing up as a short, fat, shuddering red-head. My ex-wife wasn't affectionate. I took this as rejection and seeked out acceptance where ever I could find it. We both had issues to work on in this case. My x-wife cheated out of jealousy. I was always the center of attention, because of my personality. Even her close friends became very close friends of mine. Her way of getting attention and feeling good about herself was cheating. It was the only way she know to get them to like her more than me. We were married for 12 yrs and tried hard to overcome the infidelity. We had some very happy fun times together as a couple as we tried restoring our marriage. We forgave, but we couldn't get over our personal insecurities which led to more infidelity on both parts. Is it possible? YES! Will it take an awesome amount of commitment and openness on both parts? YES YES YES!!!!!!!!!

--Ronnie
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Eddie's Take:

Very tough question. It is easy to offer my opinion, but this dilemma paints a different picture when the life you have with your partner is the only one you know.

So, if asked to give an answer, it would be no. That's just my opinion. For me, it would just be too hard to let go of the fact that someone else had stolen the sacred bond that was mine. I have a zero-tolerance for infidelity. I think that all is lost if it ever gets to that level.

However, I have seen many couples work through your situation. Both parties have to agree to put what happened to bed (no pun intended), and the love between you has to be strong enough to prevail. The only way it will work is if you truly forgive him. Without that, you will never be able to give him 100%, which is required to have a fruitful relationship.

I wish you the best.

--Eddie
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Do you think he ever wonders what if?

Dear Ask 3 Guys,

Hey guys! I just found your website!! It's actually really cool! Every girl out there wants advice from actual guys! So yeah! It's going to be well recommended!

So, here's the scoop!..

I was with a man for a little over 2 years. He was my perfect everything. I loved him more than anything! I did practically everything he wanted. Needless to say, I was head over heels crazy in love with him. My parents did not like him; neither did most of my family, but I was determined to be with him, because I loved him so much.

Our relationship wasn't the strongest-- I admit! We always had our issues, but I know I helped him out in several ways. He returned to school for me.

We would break up all the time-- well, actually, he would break up with me, because "he didn't like a lot of things about me, and maybe I needed to change them". The relationship got so bad, there was even domestic violence involved. Yes, he hit me. Not all the time, but maybe a couple of times.

We went trough several things together. I knew he loved me, but I just didn't think he was committed.

So one time, we got into an argument, and he hit me. It got bad, so i decided to end it. I moved with my parents, (they lived in another country) so I basically left far!.. So, 3 months later he contacts me, says he is truly a changed man, wants to live the rest of his life with me, is so sad I left his side. There was probably more to that, but to make the story shorter, I left the country I was in! Literally left my house and went to go live with him. (this is the first time we lived together). So, everything was good, and we had less fights. I fought against everything to be with him. All my family turned their back on me. My parents were mad, uncles, aunts, friends, you name it, everyone was mad that I had made a stupid decision like that. We were only living together, and we had our first argument, he suggested we should think about living together twice ( I couldn't believe it! After all I had left and done for him). But, I ignored it. I wasn't going to give up that easily! So, then the second fight happened. He suggested the same things. I was so angry! I told him that one more time and I wasn't playing games! I really wanted to be with him, but if he didn't want to then OK. We were about to get married (nothing fancy, just city hall). Then we got into a huge argument, and he told me to leave. I was really tired of it!-- and humiliated. So, i got my stuff and left. He let me go, knowing that I had no where to go-- no money, no car! He practically did not care! He did not try looking for me. Actually, he only sent me an email saying that I had just lost the best thing of my life, and never worried about me again.

A couple of months have passed, and I found out from a friend, that he is asking if I am ok. Could it be regret? Could it be that his conscience is kicking in?

Of course, I would NEVER get back with him. All I want to know is WHY!?

Did he get cold feet!?

And, is he going to regret it?? Will he ever wonder what if?!

I just want to know what is inside his head.

Thanks,

--Twinkle
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Dear Twinkle,

Ronnie's Take:

I'm just speechless. You're an idiot to even care. I'm all about second and third chances, but, sooner or later, call a spade a spade. He is very unstable, and you need to just run and never ask about him again. Did you reread what you wrote? I'll recap-- he's a crackhead, but when he's not on crack we get along. He's on crack 80% of the time, but I love him. My god-- imagine having to raise a child with someone so unstable. Who cares if his unstability is in the good zone and missing you. Run what's in his head is he's an asshole!

--Ronnie
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Victor's Take:

You are going to look back in 10 years and realize this - him asking you to move out was the best thing that ever happened to you in your entire life.

Now, I would normally get into the relationship dynamics and why things aren't working out at this point. But, I cannot, and to do so would be futile. You lost me at, "He hit me."

Let me put this as simply as possible - unless a woman is robbing your house and has a gun or knife to your head threatening imminent danger, there is no reason EVER to hit a woman. The first time he hit you, you should have launched his fu**in' ass! But, hey - that's just me.

An acquaintance of mine, her name is Tracy, has a favorite saying - "No looking back; Spaceships don't come equipped with rearview mirrors."

Move forward, and aim for the stars my dear...

--Victor
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Eddie's Take:

The unfortunate thing is that you wasted so much time on this douche bag. Love is a complicated thing, and sometimes the ones that we dearly love are the ones that hurt us the most. However, I do feel that everything in our path of life is relevant. It may not make sense to you now, but one day you will understand the butterfly affect that this had on your life. Hopefully, you are in a much better place now, and you have closed that chapter of your life.

As far as what's on his mine, here's my take...

He has issues with wanting what he can't have. Before I say I had similar characteristics, let me clarify something for the readers--- I have never laid one finger on a woman. Just want to make sure that we are on the same page. However, I was a guy that pushed women away when they were getting too close. I used to be driven by the chase, and when a woman would leave me, I had to make sure that I could get her back. I know it is twisted, but that's how it used to be. It sounds like Mr. Douche has the same issues. Apparently, you were a big challenge (especially being in another country). So, he lured you back just to see if he could. Once he succeeded, the challenge was over.

So, good for you for moving on. May he live a miserable life. And, if he ever claims to have changed, do not ever take him back. He's violent, and he always will be.

Best of luck to you.

--Eddie
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The Meaning of Life

Dear Ask 3 Guys,

What is the true meaning of life?

Thanks!
KB



We know it is short, and we know that there is no exact answer, but let's give it a try.

First, fire away with your thoughts on life, and the response from A3G will be posted shortly.

Have fun with this one.

Thanks for the support!

Ronnie's Take:

The meaning of life is a very personal question to each person. HAPPINESS is the meaning of life. Now comes the hard part. What is the key to your happiness.

The key to my happiness is contuially grow as a person each day while getting maxium pleasure for myself as I strive for inner peace. I grow by getting out my comfort zone at every chance. Realizing every person could have something to offer me. A personal experience or knowledge that I havn't learned yet.
The pleasure part again is really personal. Everyone is selfish wether you believe it or not. We do things because we enjoy it. Many people will help out at the drop of a hat. The reason is this makes them feel good about who they are(thus a selfish act). Selfish in these terms isn't a negative. Where you gain your pleasure is what determines the person you are. Good or bad. Your pleasure drives you in your decisions in life. You will avoid any situition that makes you feel uncomfortable unless you see a bigger pleasue by going through the uncomfortable event. The ulimate goal will always be your PLEASURE.
The inner peace part is the biggest struggle. This is where I fight myself. What you do to pleasure yourself (not masterbation sickos) directely affects my inner peace. Example the rush of gambling makes me feel great. The result(losing my money) destroys my inner peace. When I can achieve the point that all my pleasures are the right choices and that is what I strive for, then I will have found the meaning of life. I hope this place exists.

--Ronnie
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Victor's Take:



Wikipedia.com:





"The meaning of life constitutes a philosophical question concerning the purpose and significance of human existence. This concept can be expressed through a variety of related questions, such as Why are we here?, What's life all about? and What is the meaning of it all? It has been the subject of much philosophical, scientific, and theological speculation throughout history."





In simple terms (and mine) - life is what you make of it.





Every day you are given a gift: the gift of life. What will you choose to do with it?





For me, life is about stepping outside of my comfort zone and taking calculated risks and well thought-out chances. Life is also about learning everyday and lending a helping hand to a family member or friend in need.

Also, life also is about doing the things that make me happy: spending time with friends, cooking, reading, writing, enjoying a good glass of scotch and a great cigar...





I try (and there is the operative word) - try - to live everyday like a gift, that it may be my last. This is not an ideal strategy for estate planning or building wealth, or leaving a legacy... So, it will not work for everyone. But, it works for me. I LIVE... memories and moments over material and titles...





I am as far from perfect as perfect is - I get lazy, procrastinate, make bad choices and decisions just like the rest of us. But, I try.





Life is what you make of it.





Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "All life is an experiment; the more experiments you make the better."





People that ask the question, "What is the true meaning of life?" are often unhappy in their lives. What are you going to do to change it?





You asked, there you go...



--Victor
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Eddie's Take:

My approach is simple:

Live according to some type of standards. You should have a basic understanding of the morals deemed appropriate for ideal living. That's the easy part.

Next, you should always try to learn new things, and, in return, you should share what you know with others. The movie Pay it Forward paints an ideal approach to this. Giving back-- that's the hard part for many. Even if it is something trivial, you never know how much of an impact it could have on the person that you helped.

Normally, all of the things that "I wish I would do more of" are the things that I need to be doing to fulfill my interpretation of the meaning of life. Often, we all find ourselves either regretting not doing things, or actually regretting things that we do.

Here's a few simple things to remember:

1. Think before reacting.

2. You can choose the actions, but you cannot choose the consequences.

3. You can't choose what happens to you, but you can choose how you react to it.

4. Work to live... Don't live to work.

I could go on and on, but I went shrimping all night, and I am beat. Great crab and shrimp boil today though!

--Eddie
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