Am I Stuck on a Merry-Go-Round??

Dear Ask 3 Guys,


I have been seeing this man since March. He is very much an introvert. He does not like to share information about himself. I don't believe he is seeing anyone else. We go about 2 months, then we fight, and we don't talk for about 6 weeks. THEN, we talk, and the same pattern happens over again. My question is, why can someone act as if you never exist? He seems to not care when we are not speaking. I think it is cold. I have tried to get on without him; however, I always want to go back. What do you think?

--Round & Round
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Dear Round & Round,

Victor's Take:

I think you don't care about yourself, for starters. Secondly, you don't pay attention to yourself - your own thoughts and intuition.

Do you want to be in a relationship with an introvert? I'm guessing no...

Being "cold" as you call at or "acting like you never exist" are symptomatic of introversion, are they not?

Love yourself and yourself a big favor, move on.

Good luck to you.


--Vic
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Ronnie's Take:

Many people have numerous personal secret issues. Your job is to realize it, and get the hell away. Too many fish in the sea, and life is too short to fight a fight that seems to be a losing battle. Sadly, most women fall in the I'll fix him trap. The truth will hurt many years later when he still hasn't changed.

It's the normal stupid woman plot for some reason. He doesn't care, you can't change that. MOVE ON

--Ronnie
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Eddie's Take:

You are correct with one thing-- it is much easier for men for show no emotion when going through break-ups. When a relationship is over, a guy does get emotional; however, he does not show it at all. Most guys just hold in their emotions, unless their are just a sensitive man. I used to be the same way. When a relationship ended, it was like the person was dead to me. I know that seems harsh, but that's how many guys look at it. They simply move on, or stay busy, so they don't think about it. I have seen a few guys get really depressed over women, but they were the ones that were very inexperienced in the first place.

So, if you are seeing a recurring pattern, then just let go. Life is entirely too short to get stuck in a rut.

Focus on finding out who you are, and the right person will fall in your lap.

--Eddie
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Why does he smell so good?

Dear Ask 3 Guys,

My husband recently started wearing cologne to work. Should I be worried? He used to only wear it when we went out, now it is every day.

--Curious
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Dear Curious,

Victor's Take:

No. If that is the only change you see, I wouldn't worry about it at all.

However, if other things start popping up - then it might be time to have a conversation.

He maybe just taking more pride in the way that he looks (smells) when he goes to work. That's a positive thing, not a negative one.

Remember the most important tenet of a great relationship: COMMUNICATION.
Keep the lines open, non confrontational, and non judgmental.

--Vic
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Ronnie's Take:

Learn to communicate is the big question here. Ask him why. It could be nothing, but I would just keep my senses alert here.

Comfort him as you ask the question. Don't be mean or accusatory.

--Ronnie
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Eddie's Take:

I would not put much thought into it. Did you recently buy him new cologne. It could be that he really likes the way it smells.

I wear cologne to work every day. Some guys just like to wear cologne. That doesn't translate to cheating. Just talk to him and ask him why, but don't be harsh when you do.

You should actually buy him a bottle or two for Christmas.

--Eddie
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Also.... Here's a list of the top colognes for 2009...

1. Aqua Di Gio - Giorgio Armani

2. Cool Water – Davidoff

3. Fierce – Abercrombie

4. Le Male - Jean Paul Gaultier

5. Polo Sport - Ralph Lauren

6. Dolce & Gabbana - D&G

7. Hugo - Hugo Boss

8. Eternity - Calvin Klein

9. Obsession For Men - Calvin Klein

10. Emporio Armani - Giorgio Armani

Do Guys Ever Regret Anything?

Dear Ask 3 Guys,

I feel devastaded. I ended my relationship with a guy whom I was close to marrying, but didn't, because at the end, it turned out he was "not prepared", and he would just pick fights, so I would leave him. His school and his music were/are, the most important things to him. So anyhow, I left him 9 months ago. Long time, huh? So, I just found out today that he left law school and moved to a different city to pursue music. HE WOULD HAVE NEVER IN ONE MILLION YEARS DONE THAT FOR ME!!

I do not know how I feel right now. His school was the most important thing, and now he's moving to a different place to pursue music? He would not even move a finger for me!!!

So, please give me a logical explanation!! And, while you are at it, please tell me why guys are so careless!!

Why can you guys have a woman that cares about you and loves you with all that she has, and if the "time" isn't right, you just don't appreciate her!

And, how can you let someone that loves you with all she has just walk out of your life?

DOES THE WORD REGRET EVEN EXIST TO GUYS!!!!!!?????????????????

--One Hit Wonder
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Dear One Hit Wonder,

Victor's Take:

Wow... where do I start.

1) Sometimes love isn't enough.
2) Just because a guy doesn't love you back doesn't make him careless or not regretful.

You said that "his school and that his music where the most important thing to him", but yet, you get all shocked when he moves away to pursue his passion. Why?

Maybe he did you a favor. It seems like you have all of the unconditional (I would disagree) love to give. He was not able to accept it, for whatever reason, so now you have an opportunity to give it to someone who will appreciate it.

Bottom line, you are going to grow up and mature emotionally over the next five to ten years, and you will look back on this event not like a mountain, but a speed bump of life.

Do yourself the ultimate favor: LOVE YOURSELF FIRST, then move forward with your life...

Good luck to you.

--Vic
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Ronnie's Take:

You should need no answer. Move on! It's been 9 months. Sometimes people just aren't in love, or have the passion for the same things in life. You really have to release this. 9 months later-- move on. Don't take it personal, it's usually not.

--Ronnie
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Eddie's Take:

Yes-- guys do have regret; however, they do a great job of keeping their emotions bottled up. There is no magic spell that you can cast upon someone to make them fall in love with you. The bottom line is that he chose not to be with you. I'm not sure of any easier way to put it.

Instead of insisting that he did not appreciate you, take time to determine the root cause(s) that aided in driving you two apart. If music was his love, did you support it, or did you constantly complain that you were taking the back seat to it? Sometimes, you can drive someone away by not supporting their passions.

A while back, we had a similar question from someone that was dating an author. She was tired of his traveling, and she felt like she was no longer a priority in her life. The good news is that she understood that the success brought by his book's popularity would require him to travel. In the end, she made sacrafices to make it work, and now she's happy.

When it comes to the things that a man wants to do, the best thing to do is support them. My wife is not a fan of golf at all, but, since she knows I enjoy playing, she buys me golf accessories every holiday.

It sounds like this guy is out of life now, so I would focus on finding out who you are. Find happiness within yourself, and learn to understand that we cannot make someone love us.

--Eddie
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