Dear Ask 3 Guys,
I was just telling my boyfriend yesterday how sexy I think he is when he is focused on some thing important, how hot he is when he's working, how cute he is when he smiles, & how adorable he is when he laughs.
I also find a way to let him know that I love his ass almost every day. lol
Yesterday, I gently touched all of my favorite places on his body & as my hands approached each area I said some thing nice about that spot.
Do you think it will make him cocky if I do this too often?
--Ego Booster
*****************
Dear EB,
Ronnie's Take:
It always feels good to hear good things about yourself. You can't get enough and no harm can come from over telling him. Nobody will break up with you for over-complimenting them.
--Ronnie
************
Victor's Take:
I think it is possible to be overly nice... everyone is different.
I want someone who is going to challenge me and also someone who is, in a constructive way, going to point out my imperfections and laugh at them with me. I'm 135lbs soaking wet. If I'm with a woman that says, "I love your hot body!" I'm going to see right through that crap. It would be nice to hear though... LOL!!
Simply put, life is all about moderation. Don't overdo any aspect of it, including being too nice.
--Victor
*************
Eddie's Take:
That is a tough one-- well... maybe not. Of course it is nice to get compliments. Actually, it feels pretty damn good. Think about how it would feel to be on the receiving end of your body part journey. I'm sure that it would tickle your fancy.
However, I do think there is a point when you can go overboard. Just remember one thing-- keep it genuine. Don't do it just because you think you have to. Do it because you want to.
--Eddie
*************
Monday, June 29, 2009
Friday, June 19, 2009
Too Confused over Two
Dear Ask 3 Guys,
I have been dating this guy for about three and a half months now. He is really great. He respects me, hears me out, and just has an overall fantastic personality. He is 2 years older than me. I really like this guy, and I don't want to end things with him anytime soon, but there is another person that I am friends with, that I am starting to develop feelings for who is also 2 years older than me. My bf knows we are just friends, but gets incredibly jealous when he sees me and my friend together. 2 of my friends have said that this guy likes me, they say they can tell, because he smiles when he sees me and when I'm around him he always has to touch my shoulder, arm, or back. I'm starting to see this myself. I want to be with him, but I REALLY do NOT want to end things with the guys I am currently with. I don't know what I should do.
--Too Confused
*******************
Dear TC,
Victor's Take:
Ahhhh... the quintessential "The grass is greener on the other side conundrum"....
Knowing your exact age would help me to guide you in answering this question, under 25 / over 25 - I would have different advice.
Your boyfriend gets jealous because he senses - and accurately so - that you have feelings beyond friendship for your friend.
Although this won't be a popular answer, I'm rolling with this:
You never mentioned you loved or were in love with your boyfriend. Also, I'm also going to assume that you are under 25, I'm guessing 20. Based on those observations & assumptions, play the field. Break up with the boyfriend, after telling him the truth, and move on. I think you should stay single until you are 25, and not even think about marriage until 30. Again, I know
- not going to be a popular answer, but - it is what it is.
Your responsibility here, in my humble opinion, is to the TRUTH. You are already hiding things from your boyfriend - this is not fair to him. Not to mention, I'm sure it cannot be easy to walk around hiding the truth. It's time to fess up.
Or, you need to completely walk away from the "friend", cutoff all communication, and never look back - still telling the boyfriend the truth and explaining to him that from this point forward you are committed to making things work with him. Based on your question, I don't think you can do that. So, I'm going with Option A for you.
--Victor
************
Ronnie's Take:
First, I will assume the current relationship is exclusive. You can't have your cake and eat it to. The good news is you only have a few months into the current relationship. Are you willing to risk losing the current bf for a chance with the new guy? You can try to explain to the current bf that you want to see other people and him also. You enjoy your time with him, but just aren't ready to rule out all other people. That could really mess up your current relationship. Use your heart. Make the best choice you can. Ultimately, it's just a feel thing with no right or wrong. Enjoy having two interesting guys interested in you. Communicate as best you can and always be honest, even when negative results can come from it. It will be worse later to explain out of a lie (I mean don't cheat on the current bf).
--Ronnie
************
Eddie's Take:
I'm assuming that you are still a teenager, so don't beat yourself up over this. The best thing that you can do is to not concern yourself with the emotions of others when making a decision that is best for you. Don't worry about hurting the current guy's feelings if you want to be with someone else. If you were really into your current guy, you would not even be asking us this question. It sounds like the new guy is giving you positive attention, and, perhaps, he is filling a void that they current guy is incapable of filling. The bottom line is that you have to be happy with your decisions. Unfortunately, none of us can tell what the future holds.
Make your own decision... just be aware that you have to be able to deal with the consequences. There are no guarantees in life. So, just weight out your options, and hope for the best.
--Eddie
************
I have been dating this guy for about three and a half months now. He is really great. He respects me, hears me out, and just has an overall fantastic personality. He is 2 years older than me. I really like this guy, and I don't want to end things with him anytime soon, but there is another person that I am friends with, that I am starting to develop feelings for who is also 2 years older than me. My bf knows we are just friends, but gets incredibly jealous when he sees me and my friend together. 2 of my friends have said that this guy likes me, they say they can tell, because he smiles when he sees me and when I'm around him he always has to touch my shoulder, arm, or back. I'm starting to see this myself. I want to be with him, but I REALLY do NOT want to end things with the guys I am currently with. I don't know what I should do.
--Too Confused
*******************
Dear TC,
Victor's Take:
Ahhhh... the quintessential "The grass is greener on the other side conundrum"....
Knowing your exact age would help me to guide you in answering this question, under 25 / over 25 - I would have different advice.
Your boyfriend gets jealous because he senses - and accurately so - that you have feelings beyond friendship for your friend.
Although this won't be a popular answer, I'm rolling with this:
You never mentioned you loved or were in love with your boyfriend. Also, I'm also going to assume that you are under 25, I'm guessing 20. Based on those observations & assumptions, play the field. Break up with the boyfriend, after telling him the truth, and move on. I think you should stay single until you are 25, and not even think about marriage until 30. Again, I know
- not going to be a popular answer, but - it is what it is.
Your responsibility here, in my humble opinion, is to the TRUTH. You are already hiding things from your boyfriend - this is not fair to him. Not to mention, I'm sure it cannot be easy to walk around hiding the truth. It's time to fess up.
Or, you need to completely walk away from the "friend", cutoff all communication, and never look back - still telling the boyfriend the truth and explaining to him that from this point forward you are committed to making things work with him. Based on your question, I don't think you can do that. So, I'm going with Option A for you.
--Victor
************
Ronnie's Take:
First, I will assume the current relationship is exclusive. You can't have your cake and eat it to. The good news is you only have a few months into the current relationship. Are you willing to risk losing the current bf for a chance with the new guy? You can try to explain to the current bf that you want to see other people and him also. You enjoy your time with him, but just aren't ready to rule out all other people. That could really mess up your current relationship. Use your heart. Make the best choice you can. Ultimately, it's just a feel thing with no right or wrong. Enjoy having two interesting guys interested in you. Communicate as best you can and always be honest, even when negative results can come from it. It will be worse later to explain out of a lie (I mean don't cheat on the current bf).
--Ronnie
************
Eddie's Take:
I'm assuming that you are still a teenager, so don't beat yourself up over this. The best thing that you can do is to not concern yourself with the emotions of others when making a decision that is best for you. Don't worry about hurting the current guy's feelings if you want to be with someone else. If you were really into your current guy, you would not even be asking us this question. It sounds like the new guy is giving you positive attention, and, perhaps, he is filling a void that they current guy is incapable of filling. The bottom line is that you have to be happy with your decisions. Unfortunately, none of us can tell what the future holds.
Make your own decision... just be aware that you have to be able to deal with the consequences. There are no guarantees in life. So, just weight out your options, and hope for the best.
--Eddie
************
Sunday, June 14, 2009
My Old Man is Cheating and Lying
Dear Ask 3 Guys,
I have been dating this guy for over a year and we have a son together. He has an ex that he dated for 4 years. I knew that he was talking to his ex, but he says that they are just friends. I told him that I don't want him talking to her, because she is nothing but trouble for him, and causes problems for us. He says he doesn't want her. She tells me that they are still sleeping together. I know that she is obsessed with him and will do anything to break us up. He has admitted to sleeping with her because he got to drunk and she was around, but he says that is the only time they did anything. He claims he wants to be with me, but he still talks to her. We even switched phone numbers, so she would not be able to call him, and she now has his new number. Should I believe her when she says they are still sleeping with each other or him? My gut instinct says she is lying because she says things, like the reason he talks to her is because he loves her, and one day when she sent him a text with I love you, I sent a text back with the same and she wrote back "his name" is that you. So that tells me he isn't telling her he loves her like she is saying. I'm so confused, because he has admitted to cheating and I don't know who to believe-- the obsessed woman or the admitted cheater? Please help if you can.
--Baffled
**************
Dear Baffled,
Victor's Take:
Before you take any advice from me, try marriage counseling...
I think it takes a certain type of person to forgive a cheater. I think there are some people that are just incapable of it. I'm ok with either angle, but you have to know which one you are. If you are the former, great.
If you are, however, the latter - punt. If you cannot forgive - completely, it is time to move on.
If you forgive - he needs to cease all contact with his ex and do whatever it takes to make that happen. No excuses.
I am a huge proponent of keeping in touch with exes. I have talked about it ad nauseam in both my answers to these questions, as well as in my personal writing and blogs. We he had sex with his ex, he gave up his right to retain contact with her and still be in a relationship with you. Just my opinion...
I will, however, go back to my original point. If you cannot forgive him, don't stay any longer. The relationship won't work.
--Victor
***********
Ronnie's Take:
Clearly some grey area here. The main thing is moving forward. He must stop all contact with her. If he doesn't have an interest in her, and is committed to you, then he can handle it. I don't think he can, because she wound up with the changed number. Unless she has an inside contact(i.e. another close friend of both). If there is smoke, there is usually fire. I see fire. If you are worth it, he will drop all contact with her. He should be an open book and allow you to check his phone calls and texts and emails if he wants to regain your trust from cheating on you. It's probably move on time.
--Ronnie
************
Eddie's Take:
I'm sorry to break it to you, but this guy sounds like he is playing you. If he changed his number, why the hell would she have it? There could be a slight possibility that she is a crazy ex that is stalkerish, but I doubt it. Plenty of times an ex will seem like a crazy stalker, but what we don't see is that the person they are chasing is leading them on-- a false sense of hope if you will. This sounds like the case. He frequents her, he has sex with her, he talks to her... all of which sends her the message that he wants her. This is why she continues to pursue him.
Tell your beau to shit or get off the pot. If I were you, I would just move on. I know that with a child it will be very difficult. If you are a person that easily forgives, then you can give it a shot. If that is the case, both of you have to agree that it is water under the bridge. Don't stay for the wrong reasons.
Best of luck to you.
--Eddie
**************
I have been dating this guy for over a year and we have a son together. He has an ex that he dated for 4 years. I knew that he was talking to his ex, but he says that they are just friends. I told him that I don't want him talking to her, because she is nothing but trouble for him, and causes problems for us. He says he doesn't want her. She tells me that they are still sleeping together. I know that she is obsessed with him and will do anything to break us up. He has admitted to sleeping with her because he got to drunk and she was around, but he says that is the only time they did anything. He claims he wants to be with me, but he still talks to her. We even switched phone numbers, so she would not be able to call him, and she now has his new number. Should I believe her when she says they are still sleeping with each other or him? My gut instinct says she is lying because she says things, like the reason he talks to her is because he loves her, and one day when she sent him a text with I love you, I sent a text back with the same and she wrote back "his name" is that you. So that tells me he isn't telling her he loves her like she is saying. I'm so confused, because he has admitted to cheating and I don't know who to believe-- the obsessed woman or the admitted cheater? Please help if you can.
--Baffled
**************
Dear Baffled,
Victor's Take:
Before you take any advice from me, try marriage counseling...
I think it takes a certain type of person to forgive a cheater. I think there are some people that are just incapable of it. I'm ok with either angle, but you have to know which one you are. If you are the former, great.
If you are, however, the latter - punt. If you cannot forgive - completely, it is time to move on.
If you forgive - he needs to cease all contact with his ex and do whatever it takes to make that happen. No excuses.
I am a huge proponent of keeping in touch with exes. I have talked about it ad nauseam in both my answers to these questions, as well as in my personal writing and blogs. We he had sex with his ex, he gave up his right to retain contact with her and still be in a relationship with you. Just my opinion...
I will, however, go back to my original point. If you cannot forgive him, don't stay any longer. The relationship won't work.
--Victor
***********
Ronnie's Take:
Clearly some grey area here. The main thing is moving forward. He must stop all contact with her. If he doesn't have an interest in her, and is committed to you, then he can handle it. I don't think he can, because she wound up with the changed number. Unless she has an inside contact(i.e. another close friend of both). If there is smoke, there is usually fire. I see fire. If you are worth it, he will drop all contact with her. He should be an open book and allow you to check his phone calls and texts and emails if he wants to regain your trust from cheating on you. It's probably move on time.
--Ronnie
************
Eddie's Take:
I'm sorry to break it to you, but this guy sounds like he is playing you. If he changed his number, why the hell would she have it? There could be a slight possibility that she is a crazy ex that is stalkerish, but I doubt it. Plenty of times an ex will seem like a crazy stalker, but what we don't see is that the person they are chasing is leading them on-- a false sense of hope if you will. This sounds like the case. He frequents her, he has sex with her, he talks to her... all of which sends her the message that he wants her. This is why she continues to pursue him.
Tell your beau to shit or get off the pot. If I were you, I would just move on. I know that with a child it will be very difficult. If you are a person that easily forgives, then you can give it a shot. If that is the case, both of you have to agree that it is water under the bridge. Don't stay for the wrong reasons.
Best of luck to you.
--Eddie
**************
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