Dear Ask 3 Guys:
Here’s the Lo-Down…
14, girl, skinny, go to an all girl's high school, friends who've lost their virginity already. It's not right. Maybe I'm not the girl that's just going to give it all up, but I don't get noticed by who I want to... what I'm saying is, guys are into me, but it's not there with them. I don't want anything shallow.
How do I play the game?
--Solitaire…
Dear solitaire:
Ronnie’s Take:
Have fun, and fake it to you make it. The right choice isn't always the easiest choice. Stick by your morals, and your time will come when you are proud to make the choice on your terms. No need to rush!
--Ronnie
Eddie’s Take:
Whatever you do, don’t sacrifice your beliefs to get noticed or fit in. You still have plenty of time to figure things out. At your age, you should be focused on two things… (1) School (sorry to sound parentish), and (2) Discovering who you are. Spend plenty of time on the latter. Teens often find themselves trying so hard to fit in, which causes them to fabricate an identity to match what is expected. It is so important to discover who you are, and focus on letting people see that. Walk with confidence, focus on having fun, and you will see that people will be attracted to you for the right reasons.
--Eddie
Dear Ask 3 Guys:
I have been chatting with this guy online since last April, and he even came to Texas where I live to visit. He is in the military, so he does not get a lot of time off, but we agreed to wait to see each other. While he was here last to see me, he did not spend the time with me that he originally told me he would. I did let him know I was disappointed and very confused. That is when he said he would be back now in December to spend more time with me. Just last week he now is telling me it will not be until Feb 2010 now. My friends and family think he is using me and I should start dating other guys, but I like him a lot and I want to believe him. Should I date other people and still keep chatting with him online???
--IM
Dear IM:
Victor’s Take:
I think if you choose to date other people, that is absolutely ok - but, you should be 100% honest with him. Being in the military is not optional for him, and obviously he cannot provide you the attention you would like. If he chats with you all the time, yet sends mixed signals when he comes home (not spending as much time with you as you would like, etc.), and this situation is unacceptable to you (judging by your question, it is) then I think you should move on.
I wish you well...
--Vic
Eddie’s Take:
I think that he enjoys chatting with you, because there is not much to do where he is stationed. When someone stationed overseas can connect with someone, it helps them to escape from where they are. This is no different from a person in jail sending you letters. However, when the guy gets to visit, he has many more options to do whatever he wants. So, it appears that you have taken the back seat when he is in town. I think he does not want to settle down, but he enjoys chatting with you. If you can keep that going, fine. But, I would not wait for him. Be open and honest with him, and everything will fall into place.
--Eddie
Dear Ask 3 Guys:
I just found out this past weekend that my son has a crush on a little girl in his class. My son is 6 and the girl is 7 years old. I was told by the girl's parents that my son writes their daughter love notes at least once a day and passes them to her during class. My husband, I and her parents, their family and their friends all think that it is so cute! It's my son's 2nd little crush...1st one was in preK. Well, I told my mother what I had been told about her grandson's "Love Life" and she took it SERIOUSLY...she said that the family could get him for stalking if the notes become unwanted, the teacher could give him detention for passing notes during class, and she also passed a comment that it may get "out of hand"....
Like I said, my son is 6 years old. He knows NOTHING about sex, relationship, nor love for that matter. The only love he really understands is the love he feels for me, his dad, brother, grandparents and his dog. Why do you think my mother took this so seriously? It's YOUNG LOVE...it's INNOCENT LOVE. I just don't understand her reasoning for saying such things. I did ask her why she thought that way and she didn't respond except by rolling her eyes.
Could ya'll please give me your opinions on this subject and try to explain where you think my mother is coming from? I just can't figure her out. Thank you so much!
Love,
Lover Boy's Mommy J
Dear LBM:
Victor’s Take:
The easy answer to this question is that I think your mother is overprotective. Think back to when you were being raised by her? How did she treat you? I'm guessing that she was overprotective of you as well. From a partial comical standpoint, it sounds like your mother is watching too much Oprah Winfrey and Dr. Phil. I'm all for getting your mother and your mother-in-law's input on the raising of your child, but there needs to be a time and a place where you politely agree to disagree and move on.
Ultimately, you both have your child's best interests at heart. That is what matters. If the only thing you have to worry about in the raising of your son is puppy love, consider yourself ridiculously lucky. I'm guessing it won't be. I wish you the best of luck going forward.
--Vic
Ronnie’s Take:
This is minor and, at that age, cute. I don't know the laws pertaining to it at that age, so I wouldn't advise but it sure seems innocent and not worthy of wasting time with the grandma. Just pacify her and move on. No need to be alarmed… this is perfectly natural.
--Ronnie
Dear Ask 3 Guys:
I have a problem. I have liked one of my brother's friends for a really long time. In the past, he has said that he can't date me because he is afraid it will affect his friendship with my brother if it doesn't work out, and that he doesn't have the time for a relationship right now. This was fine with me, because I was fine with just being friends. Ok, so they have another friend that they think I should date. He is really funny and a really great guy and I do like him, but I didn't think it would be fair to him for me to date him when I know that I still have feelings for the first guy. Here comes the confusing part-- a couple weeks ago, my brother and his wife had a party at their house. And, we had a few drinks, but Iwas not so drunk that we didn't know what we were doing. So me and the first friend ended up sleeping together (not having sex just a little fooling around) it was his idea *not mine*, and it came out of nowhere. I think that he was afraid that I was going to sleep with the other guy, which isn't something that I would do. Anyways despite what happened, he has not changed his mind about
not wanting a relationship. And he has said that he knows we can't be friends with benefits, because I want more and it wouldn't be fair to me. So when they had another party yesterday, he told my sister-in-law a couple days
before that he wanted to mess around again, which again was fine with me because I like the guy and want to be with him. Well the next day my she told me that their other friend was asking what was up between me and the first guy and she explained that I do like him and that it's hard for me because I have liked him for so long and that I know he is a good guy and I don't want to hurt him.
So my problem is this-- I'm having a hard time deciding between the two of
them. I don't know if I'm wasting my time thinking that he will one day
decide that he wants more, and if he doesn't I think I have pretty much blown
my chance with a good guy by picking the other one over him-- not once, but
twice. I would appreciate any advice you can give me thank you.
--Complicated
Dear Complicated:
Victor’s Take:
Here is my question... what do YOU want? If you just want a friend with benefits type situation, with no relationship or strings attached - keep fooling around with the first guy. Maybe it will turn in to something, but there is just no way of predicting that. Guy #1 sounds like he has been honest with you - which is great - although, he is fooling around with your feelings - which he probably doesn't even realize he is doing. I'm guessing that you are 18 or 19, he - 23 or 24. At that age, you are not mature enough to separate sex from emotion. Most people are incapable of it in their lifetimes, so it is not just an age thing.
The bottom line is this - you WANT a relationship. I can tell by your question. The first guy wants no part of a relationship. Launch Guy #1 and move to Guy #2. If Guy#2 turns out to be no good, maybe Guy#1 seeing you with another man may cause him to act.
Good luck to you...
--Vic
Ronnie’s Take:
I would go to your brother first. Explain everything to him and get his opinion. The friend could just be using that as an excuse.
If you don't get any results, then you need to do the take away move. Tell the friend there is no future, so you are ending the fooling around stuff and moving on. If he really likes you he will come running. If not, then you need to move on any way.
Give the other guy a chance. People will have many relationships that end in break-ups; it's not the end of the world. Any chance, even if limited for him, beats no chance.
--Ronnie
Eddie’s Take:
I think I followed you. Here’s the skinny--- don’t allow guys to play games with you. If you continually make yourself available to guy #1 (at his convenience), then he will continue to use you.
The big problem is that you feel like you have to choose between one of those guys. There is no reason to have a contingency plan when it comes to dating. “If guy #1 is out, then there is always guy #2, but if I mess things up with guy#2, I may lose guy#1"—I’m sure it goes something like that.
Live your life. Don’t give into anyone’s bullshit. Make them chase you.
--Eddie
