Dear Ask 3 Guys,
What is a girl to do? This is the problem-- I have been seeing this man for about 2 months now, and I really do like him very much, but he is not very aggressive-- meaning he just thinks I know what is going on inside of him. Example... the other night, I went to a friend's house, and he just assumed I was coming over, but the thing is he never invited me, so I didn't go over. I met this new man a few days later, and I did tell this new man that I was still seeing the other man-- I was very much up front, but the other guy has no clue. So my question to you is should I tell the other guy about this new guy? I like them both very much. I don't want to deceive anyone, but this man has never asked me If I was dating anyone else. Just trying to leave my options open. I am a very mature woman, and I don't want to hurt anyone. What should I do?
--Two for Tuesday
************************
Dear T4T,
Ronnie's Take:
It really comes down to a personal decision. I personally see no future with a person that doesn't have good communication skills. It also seems he lacks in passion(life passion, not sexual) some. They seem to go hand and hand.
I wouldn't volunteer the info, but I wouldn't lie if questioned. Men and woman break up and move on rather often these days. It's not the end of the world either way.
--Ronnie
**************
Victor's Take:
I am a big fan of honesty to a fault. I get myself in trouble for being too honest, but I'm ok with that type of trouble. I have lost out on some "opportunities" in my life for being too honest. That's just the way I live, I'm not changing.
I think you need to do what you think is best. Clearly, this is troubling you, so telling the truth might be best. I also think that there are many women and men that might withhold all the facts / be somewhat coy about the EXACT truth. It has happen to me, on two separate occasions. One time, I started to open my heart to someone I was very close to (not something I do very easily), all the time telling ALL the truth. This women was dating at least two other guys at the same time over the period of a few weeks to months, that I knew nothing about. When it all came into light (which I had to figure out, still not knowing the truth), I didn't feel to good about it.
On another occasion, I again started to fall for someone, again being honest about all the ongoing things in my life. Over a two month period, this person was having a long distance relationship - even visiting once or twice this person in another state. Again, I didn't feel good about it.
Did either of these people intentionally hurt me, or outright lie to me? NO.
Did they withhold the truth and place yet another little ding in my heart - absolutely. I was open and honest on my hand, I just naturally expected the same in return. My mistake, it won't happen again...
I hope this gives you some insight into the direction you need to take.
I wish you all the best.
--Victor
****************
--Eddie's Take:
This is something that frustrates me so much. People always keep secrets, and guy # 1 will always be the last one to know what is going on. For God's sake... tell the guy what is going on. You can never expect a relationship to work if it is being supported by a dishonest foundation. You have to live with the choices that you make. Guy 1 or guy 2... it doesn't matter. All that matters is that you take ownership and stop dragging people along.
--Eddie
******************
Monday, February 15, 2010
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
I have custody.... now what?
First of all, we have to give a shout out to the Black and Gold. The New Orleans Saints did it. After 43 years, the finally made it to the Superbowl--- then, they won it! This is a huge accomplishment for the organization, as well as our city. The Saints have been under a black cloud forever, and they have proven that through determination, commitment, and perserverance, anything is possible. Join us in applauding this amazing feat, and we are all looking for to next season.
Dear Ask 3 Guys,
I have recently found myself with custody of a 14 year old boy. I have a 15 year old girl and a 14 year old girl already. I have NO idea how to entertain this kid. Other than violent video games and wrestling with his friends - how do I get a 14 year old boy who has had absolutely no guidance up until this point, to WANT guidance?
--Rated C (for confused)
****************************
Dear Rated C,
Ronnie's Take:
First, you must show interest in his actions. Don't make it a push/pull to start. Come out the gate on his side. Communicate-- because, even 14yr old boys have different likes. You left out sports. Sports would be the best avenue. The local playground would be a good place to start.
The main thing is include him in the decisions of the family. What's for dinner? What's the weekend activities? Communicate -- communicate-- communicate!
--Ronnie
**************
Victor's Take:
This is a really good question that I don't have a direct answer to. I think Ronnie and Eddie are going to be the best ones to answer this question, as one has a teenage boy, the other - one close to teenage years.
When I was a teenager, my parents made me get a part time job and sent me to a good school with good role models and solid discipline. I don't know if you have the ability to do that or not, I hope so. The job and the school put discipline in my life and gave me structure - something to keep me busy.
If I could have changed anything about my childhood, I would have wanted more affection - to be hugged more, kissed more, told "I love you" by my parents. I could count the number of times that those three things happened to me in my life on both hands - easily. Show affection - show him that you truly do care about him and his well being, and I have a feeling he might be a little more open-minded about guidance.
Good luck to you...
--Victor
************
Eddie's Take:
It's not often that I use the phrase 'paradigm shift' to describe a situation, but your dilemma is just that. All of the sudden, you have custody of a 14-year old boy; however, your experience thus far has been parenting daughters. Yes, men are from Mars, and women or from Venus... but teenage boys are from an entirely different universe.
To start, I will base some comments on assumptions I have, since you did not give insight as to how his behavior is. I can only assume, that like most teenage boys, you have experienced problems in that arena. If not, good for you.
First, it is imperative that you set clear expectations for your household. This means that he has to understand what he is required to do, as well as the consequences for not adhering to your guidelines. For instance, playing violent video games may not be something you approve of, so you have to inform him of your stance regarding material that may be inappropriate for him. Video games have a rating (just like movies), and, as a parent, you need to review the back of the games to see if you approve of the content. My 12-year old often asks for new games, but we are strict when it comes to games that are rated M (mature). The last game he wanted actually had a disclaimer that it contained drug references, nudity, profanity, and violence. Of course, to purchase these games, you have to be at least 18.
If none of that is an issue for you, the first thing you need to do is develop an open line of communication with him. Let him know that you are interested in his life, which will open up the door for him to communicate with you. I'm not sure of his history, but communication is always a great approach to dealing with anyone.
As far as activities, there are not too many teenage boys that aren't into what he is doing. He is at the age where he is content playing with friends, or alienating himself to his room. There's really nothing you can do about that.
If he likes wrestling, take him to see it when it comes to town. This will show him that he can be rewarded with things that he likes. Just be sure to let him know that rewards like that are earned as a result of good behavior.
The most important thing for a young man to learn is that nothing in life is free. He has to understand that he has to work and follow the rules, because that's how it is in life.
If you care to elaborate more on your situation, I would be happy to offer more assistance.
Good Luck!
--Eddie
*******************
Dear Ask 3 Guys,
I have recently found myself with custody of a 14 year old boy. I have a 15 year old girl and a 14 year old girl already. I have NO idea how to entertain this kid. Other than violent video games and wrestling with his friends - how do I get a 14 year old boy who has had absolutely no guidance up until this point, to WANT guidance?
--Rated C (for confused)
****************************
Dear Rated C,
Ronnie's Take:
First, you must show interest in his actions. Don't make it a push/pull to start. Come out the gate on his side. Communicate-- because, even 14yr old boys have different likes. You left out sports. Sports would be the best avenue. The local playground would be a good place to start.
The main thing is include him in the decisions of the family. What's for dinner? What's the weekend activities? Communicate -- communicate-- communicate!
--Ronnie
**************
Victor's Take:
This is a really good question that I don't have a direct answer to. I think Ronnie and Eddie are going to be the best ones to answer this question, as one has a teenage boy, the other - one close to teenage years.
When I was a teenager, my parents made me get a part time job and sent me to a good school with good role models and solid discipline. I don't know if you have the ability to do that or not, I hope so. The job and the school put discipline in my life and gave me structure - something to keep me busy.
If I could have changed anything about my childhood, I would have wanted more affection - to be hugged more, kissed more, told "I love you" by my parents. I could count the number of times that those three things happened to me in my life on both hands - easily. Show affection - show him that you truly do care about him and his well being, and I have a feeling he might be a little more open-minded about guidance.
Good luck to you...
--Victor
************
Eddie's Take:
It's not often that I use the phrase 'paradigm shift' to describe a situation, but your dilemma is just that. All of the sudden, you have custody of a 14-year old boy; however, your experience thus far has been parenting daughters. Yes, men are from Mars, and women or from Venus... but teenage boys are from an entirely different universe.
To start, I will base some comments on assumptions I have, since you did not give insight as to how his behavior is. I can only assume, that like most teenage boys, you have experienced problems in that arena. If not, good for you.
First, it is imperative that you set clear expectations for your household. This means that he has to understand what he is required to do, as well as the consequences for not adhering to your guidelines. For instance, playing violent video games may not be something you approve of, so you have to inform him of your stance regarding material that may be inappropriate for him. Video games have a rating (just like movies), and, as a parent, you need to review the back of the games to see if you approve of the content. My 12-year old often asks for new games, but we are strict when it comes to games that are rated M (mature). The last game he wanted actually had a disclaimer that it contained drug references, nudity, profanity, and violence. Of course, to purchase these games, you have to be at least 18.
If none of that is an issue for you, the first thing you need to do is develop an open line of communication with him. Let him know that you are interested in his life, which will open up the door for him to communicate with you. I'm not sure of his history, but communication is always a great approach to dealing with anyone.
As far as activities, there are not too many teenage boys that aren't into what he is doing. He is at the age where he is content playing with friends, or alienating himself to his room. There's really nothing you can do about that.
If he likes wrestling, take him to see it when it comes to town. This will show him that he can be rewarded with things that he likes. Just be sure to let him know that rewards like that are earned as a result of good behavior.
The most important thing for a young man to learn is that nothing in life is free. He has to understand that he has to work and follow the rules, because that's how it is in life.
If you care to elaborate more on your situation, I would be happy to offer more assistance.
Good Luck!
--Eddie
*******************
Sunday, February 7, 2010
WHO DAT?
THE SAINTS WILL BE MAKING HISTORY TONIGHT, SO PUT ON YOUR BLACK AND GOLD FOR THE BIG GAME.
OUR CITY DESERVES IT, AND THE TEAM HAS PLAYED GREAT ALL YEAR.
WHO DAT?
GOOD LUCK BOYS!
ASK 3 GUYS
OUR CITY DESERVES IT, AND THE TEAM HAS PLAYED GREAT ALL YEAR.
WHO DAT?
GOOD LUCK BOYS!
ASK 3 GUYS
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