Caught between friendship and a hard place

Dear Ask 3 Guys,

I have a guy friend with whom I am very close to. We've spent numerous occasions together, countless hours delving deep into our minds, bodies*, not to mention sharing and learning from each other.

As of now, being an item is not in question, but he is aware I have feelings for him..very valid and logical feelings. He's told me as well he feels the same, but it's just not happening.

About once a month he sends me packages in the mail, of things I ADORE; books, music, art, etc. AND, every man I suggest to him I might be interested in, he steers me clear of, "I am too good for them" will always be the reasoning.

We are simply good-close friends mind you, but I can't help but feel he's got hidden context or other motives.

What do you think? Would you treat someone this way if you were/weren't interested in them?

Or is he buttering me up and possibly just being selfish?

So confused over here.

TY in advance!

--Flummoxed

Dear Flummoxed,

Ronnie's Take:

Sounds like there is more to the story. His actions sounds like something a gay guy would do. Maybe even a married guy that just can't end the relationship. How well do you know him? Investigate some more. Push the envelope. Tell him you are thinking about getting serous with someone. Make him respond. If he doesn't, value his true friendship, and keeping looking for a Mr. right that wants you.

--Ronnie
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Victor's Take:

You say bodies*, but then you say no sex... I'm confused...

The guy has feelings for you. Why he has not moved things to the next level, I cannot be sure. Have you had sex with him?

It is time to stop beating around the bush and have the WTF conversation with him. Be nice, calm, even-keel emotionally and share with him "What is going on here?" Don't stop talking until you get an answer, even if it is one that you are not happy with.

Without more details, this is the best answer that I have.

V.
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--Eddie's Take:

Have you ever seen the movie Clueless? Well, here's a quote from Murray that sums it up-- "Your man Christian is a cake boy!"

Sounds to me like this guy is a certified homosexual (i.e. turd burglar, ass bandit, shit stabber, bone smoker, donut puncher, etc.).

If not, maybe he is just too scared to express his feelings towards you. If you appear "out of his league", hiding his feelings is a means of protecting the friendship. If you have had talks about being together, then that theory is out the window.

Here's my advice...

Give him the quick and dirty on what you want. Tell him that you are tired of being confused, you have deep feelings for him, and you would love to move forward with a relationship. (Take sort of a "shit or get off the pot" approach.) If he fails to move forward, then start dating! That's all you can do-- express yourself, and give him the opportunity to jump on it (no pun intended at all there).

Good Luck!

Let us know how it turns out.

--Eddie
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Girl on Girl??!!!!

Dear Ask 3 Guys,

Why do guys like girl on girl action? And, why are girls in catholic school uniforms so appealing to guys?

--Spanky
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Dear Spanky,

Ronnie's Take:

Guys like anything involving sex. The uniform can mean many things. Innocent to some, stuck up (we like to nail the stuck up girl HARD!!)LOL, or a bad girl. Guys have wild imaginations. We turn anything sexual. Girl on anything--- and, we like it!

--Ronnie
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Victor's Take:

I think both men and women have fantasies about things that are "dirty" or "outside of the norm"... I use these terms in quotations because everyone has a different opinion on what "dirty" or "forbidden" might be.

The school girl uniform represents the ultimate "off limits" experience. It is and will continue to be a popular choice for adult Halloween celebrations everywhere and guess what? It is not going anywhere anytime soon.

Girl on girl action... let me walk this tightrope as delicately as I can. I think women are the most beautiful things on the planet. I like the way they look, smell, talk, feel, laugh... I like it all. So, when I see two beautiful women kissing, or more, I start thinking about the Double Mint commercial - double your pleasure, double your fun... Also, much like the school girl outfit, girl on girl action is not "normal" to many. Hence, the desire to experience it.

Since the beginning of time, and long after I'm gone and until the end of time, humans will continue to seek things that are forbidden - that are "naughty". It is not going anywhere anytime soon...

Don't get too worked up about it. Just because a guy likes school girl outfits or girl on girl action doesn't mean he cannot have a beautiful, healthy, normal relationship. It happens every day. I suggest you share your fantasies back...

--V
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Eddie's Take:

The things that turn people on... hmmm. We could go on for ever talking about this one. To me, girl on girl, or the catholic school uniform, rank pretty innocent on the abnormal scale.

I agree with Vic on the uniform thing. The catholic school girl depicts innocence, a taboo if you will. Some guys are turned on by things that are viewed as forbidden. If you delve into the world of what turns people on, your mind would not stop spinning.

Here's a sample of a few things that definitely strike me as being weird:
(Reference: http://treebeard31.blogspot.com/2007/08/weirdest-turn-ons-ever.html)

• Ailurophilia: sexual attraction to cats

• Acrotomophilia: love of amputation or amputees

• Autonephioplia: sexual arousal from diapers

• Phalloorchoalgolagnia: sexual arousal from receiving a painful blow in the male genitals

• Coprophilia: sexual attraction to feces

• Formicophilia: sexual attraction to insects crawling on parts of the body

• Emetophilia : sexual attraction to vomit

• Toonophilia: sexual attraction to cartoons or anime characters

• Eproctophilia: sexual attraction to flatulence

• Stygiophilia: sexual pleasure from the thought of going to hell

• Transformation fetish: sexual arousal from depictions of transformations of people into objects

• Urolagnia: sexual attraction to urine

• Xylophilia: sexual attraction to wood

So, there are some pretty freaky things out there. The bottom line is that everyone involved is consenting adults. For some couples, there are no limits. So, basically, there's someone out there for everyone-- I guess. Just don't break the law.

--Eddie
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Boys, Boys, Boys...

Dear Ask 3 Guys,

So, I was with my boyfriend the other night, and we were talking, and his phone kept ringing and ringing. So, I asked him who it was and he said that it was no one, which made me mad, so I didn't talk to him. Then, he said it was just his ex girlfriend. I said WHAT THE HELL IS SHE CALLING FOR? He said man I don't know....but, that night, I was thinking something is suspicious, so I called him and asked him if he still had feelings for his ex. Of course he said no, but the next day I found out that he calls her all the time and he still likes her so I asked again "do you still like your ex?" Now, he said man i don't know...it made me so mad because I am in love with him, but why waste your time with someone that has feelings for there ex..it sucks, but I don't know what to do. I WANT HIM TO GET OVER HER, but i don't know if he ever will. I feel like nothing to him. I don't understand what I did wrong this time. It's like I'm a target to letting guys hurt me, because that's all that has happened to me lately, and I just want someone to care about me. I want someone to love me back. I want someone to be loyal to me. I just don't know whether I should end things with him or not. He says he wants me to stay, and that he loves me, but I don't know because every time I'm with him now I'm going to be thinking of him and his ex girlfriend getting back together.HELP!!

--Lost Girl
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Dear Lost Girl,

Ronnie's Take:

First, don't look to anyone else to complete you or make you happy. Learn to be secure in the person you are. Learn to realize you and many many other people get let down in relationships. It's not the end of the world. You will live and just like you fell in love again, you will again in the future. The ex thing is a deal breaker with me if his is lying about it and admits to still have feelings for her. Move on to number next. A liar is no one to build a relationship with.

--Ronnie
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Victor's Take:

"I WANT HIM TO GET OVER HER but I don't know if he ever will I"....

You seem like a young lady. So, I am going to give you two pieces of advice that I want you take away and use forever:

1) No woman EVER in the course of human history has changed a man. EVER. Men change when they want to change, not when a woman wants them too. Stop trying.

2) Don't even think about getting married until you are at least 30.

With that out of the way, this guy doesn't feel the same way about you that you do him. You deserve at least that. Move on and go get the next one.

Also, I have a feeling you attracting those types of men (hurting you) because you are trying too hard. Stop trying - let them come to you.

Have faith my dear; you have a ton of life to live still and many hearts to break...

--V.
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Eddie's Take:

Here's your problem... you are trying way to hard. If you allow yourself to be a target, then you will always be one. A vulnerable, weak girl is the worst thing that you could be. Be strong in who you are. This guy is one of many that you will meet throughout this journey of life. I'm sure that you have many more miles to go, so focus on the things that are important. Don't be a girl that thinks a guy makes her. Define yourself, walk with happiness and confidence, and you will see that guys will pursue you. Stop being so desperate. Don't be a victim. It's time for you to step up and be a strong woman.

--Eddie
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How to Deal..... Urrrggghhh!!!

Dear Ask 3 Guys,

I have a co-worker who is a great friend. She seems, at times, to say a lot without thinking. She also has a way of wording things completely wrong. In passing, she said things about one of my childhood friends. It got back to her then me. I confronted her, and she got very upset and said she was going lose me and my friend as friends. Explaining what she meant, I believe her. The other friend believes the one who told her. Now, I cannot get my two close friends together, and I feel weird when I talk about work to the other. Being that the other comes up in the stories. In anger, when confronted, she text the source and he let my other friend read it all. Did I say she words things with out thinking? So, there is no explaining to the childhood friend. How do i deal with the situation? I work with one and see the other a lot. And how do I have any gatherings if i can't get them in same place?

Thanks.

--Rock and a Hard Place
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Dear Rock and a Hard Place,

Ronnie's Take:

We deal with stupid situations all the time. My friends' circle is laughable with all the drama. People take things in life so personal when it usually isn't. You must get the her who made the statement to communicate with the other friend. Then you did NOTHING wrong. Talk about what you want with each one. Invite both of them to go to events and let them sort the stupidness out. Don't play into the drama. Move the conversation elsewhere as they complain about the stupid drama. LIFE IS TOO SHORT FOR DRAMA PEOPLE!!!!!!! People do and say things to make them happy in the moment. How can you fault someone for that? It wasn't personal. Ask yourself, have you done and said things you didn't mean or make something major that really wasn't that important to you?

--Ronnie
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Victor's Take:

It would seem that your friend that says things without thinking and who also words things completely wrong would appear to be the problem. I'm not saying launch her, but - talk to her. Let her know - "Hey, you are off base sometimes. I love you, but...." Maybe, just maybe you can get the two of them in a room together and get them talking. The first sentence is always the hardest, the rest - always flows nice and easy after that.

Isn't it amazing how much drama we have in the world and - 80% of the time, it is over absolutely nothing?

There is your question back...

I hope it works out.

--Victor
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Eddie's Take:

Oh my God! You are actually worrying yourself with this bullshit. I am so sick of hearing about people fighting over he said- she said bullshit. You did nothing wrong. They need to get over it. Just be yourself, and if they can't get along, oh well.

It's like when someone cuts you off in traffic. You can be pissed all you want. You can flip them off. You can do whatever you want. Guess what? They are still driving as carefree as they were when they cut you off. What I'm saying is don't get your panties in a bunch behind something that is out of your control. Worry about the things that you have direct control over. Two people's miscommunication and bullshit is not your problem.

I have seen this over and over again, and it is a damn shame that people act like they are in grade school.

Tell them that you are not going to entertain this, and if they have a problem, they need to fix it.

UUUrrggghh..... how to deal is right!

I'm out--

--Eddie
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