The Good Guy or the Bad Guy?

Dear Ask 3 Guys,

I've been seeing this guy exclusively for 3 1/2 months. In the beginning, things were so intense... the interest that we had in one another was unreal. Hour long talks... date after date... lots of laughs and good times. Our compatibility level is unbelievable. He's a wonderful man in ever way. I no longer see him as a challenge. I know 100% that he's not going anywhere. Although I love the security, I feel like I'm less attracted to him because he makes himself so available to me. I'm recently divorced. I was married to a man who neglected me in every way (complete opposite of my current boyfriend). I'm worried that because I became so use to the neglectful way of life that I lived, that it will interfere with my new relationship. I am so thankful to have this man in my life. I know we could have a wonderful life together. However, there are days when I feel so in love with him, but others when I question the feelings that I have. I've been feeling this way for the past month. I'm just not sure how it's possible for me to go from one extreme to the next, then back... How do I keep this thing alive???

--Baffled Babe
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Dear Baffled:

Victor's Take:

"I no longer see him as a challenge."

Why?

"I feel like I'm less attracted to him because he makes himself so available to me."

Why?

"I was married to a man who neglected me in every way (complete opposite of my current boyfriend). I'm worried that because I became so use to the neglectful way of life that I lived, that it will interfere with my new relationship."

You think???? It is...

Look, you have unresolved issues from your abusive relationship. I'll go a step further and speculate that your parents probably had a strained relationship at best, and an abusive one at most. You need counseling. It seems like you have tried to deal with this / rectify this in your head - which I applaud you for. But, it also seems like you cannot do it on your own. That's ok - most people cannot. I would schedule an appointment with a counselor - psychologist, psychiatrist, etc as soon as possible. You don't want to let the best thing that has happened to you (from a relationship standpoint) walk out the door.

Good luck!

--Vic
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Eddie's Take:

Okay, here we go. This is a perfect example of how screwed up we are. We want what we can't have, and we don't want what we have.

Let's paint a little picture---

Two women are talking about men over lunch. The single woman is talking about all the losers that she has dated, and she goes on and on about Mr. Right. I believe it goes something like this...

He is good-looking, dresses nice, he has good teeth and hair, he has a great job, he treats me like a princess, he goes out of his way for me, he talks and listens to me, he is great in bed, he is not abusive, he isn't on drugs or alcohol, etc...

Did I miss anything? If I did, I'm sure you can fill in the blanks.

So, how come when a guy has all of those boxes checked off, women get tired of him? What the hell is up with that?

In many cases, women are drawn to a certain type of man. That's why you see women go back to the same guy that beat the shit out of them.

Women love a challenge. You have no idea what it feels like for a guy to be willing to give up everything for the right woman. Then, she gets tired of him because he is too nice. What a crock of shit!

Believe me... I can relate. As a retired asshole, I know that women love the chase. I think you guys always feel like you have to fix a guy, so a guy with issues will always be a project for you to work on. Or, you think you can be the one to get the player to fall in love.

The bottom line is that you have to close your eyes, and picture life 5 years from now... then 10... then 15... and so on. Who the hell do you want to be sitting in rocking chairs next to on the front porch in 30 years?

So, my advice is that you take it for what it is. If this guy is into you, then be happy. Apparently, he thinks you are special. If his kindness starts wearing off, then you know it was an act. If not, then consider yourself lucky to be with a great guy.

For all the women out there, please be happy when you get the type of guy that you have always dreamed of having. And, accept him for who he is.

Okay... I am stepping down from my soapbox.

Regardless of the decision you make, I wish you the best of luck.

--Eddie
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