My Old Man is Cheating and Lying

Dear Ask 3 Guys,

I have been dating this guy for over a year and we have a son together. He has an ex that he dated for 4 years. I knew that he was talking to his ex, but he says that they are just friends. I told him that I don't want him talking to her, because she is nothing but trouble for him, and causes problems for us. He says he doesn't want her. She tells me that they are still sleeping together. I know that she is obsessed with him and will do anything to break us up. He has admitted to sleeping with her because he got to drunk and she was around, but he says that is the only time they did anything. He claims he wants to be with me, but he still talks to her. We even switched phone numbers, so she would not be able to call him, and she now has his new number. Should I believe her when she says they are still sleeping with each other or him? My gut instinct says she is lying because she says things, like the reason he talks to her is because he loves her, and one day when she sent him a text with I love you, I sent a text back with the same and she wrote back "his name" is that you. So that tells me he isn't telling her he loves her like she is saying. I'm so confused, because he has admitted to cheating and I don't know who to believe-- the obsessed woman or the admitted cheater? Please help if you can.

--Baffled
**************

Dear Baffled,

Victor's Take:

Before you take any advice from me, try marriage counseling...

I think it takes a certain type of person to forgive a cheater. I think there are some people that are just incapable of it. I'm ok with either angle, but you have to know which one you are. If you are the former, great.

If you are, however, the latter - punt. If you cannot forgive - completely, it is time to move on.

If you forgive - he needs to cease all contact with his ex and do whatever it takes to make that happen. No excuses.

I am a huge proponent of keeping in touch with exes. I have talked about it ad nauseam in both my answers to these questions, as well as in my personal writing and blogs. We he had sex with his ex, he gave up his right to retain contact with her and still be in a relationship with you. Just my opinion...

I will, however, go back to my original point. If you cannot forgive him, don't stay any longer. The relationship won't work.

--Victor
***********

Ronnie's Take:

Clearly some grey area here. The main thing is moving forward. He must stop all contact with her. If he doesn't have an interest in her, and is committed to you, then he can handle it. I don't think he can, because she wound up with the changed number. Unless she has an inside contact(i.e. another close friend of both). If there is smoke, there is usually fire. I see fire. If you are worth it, he will drop all contact with her. He should be an open book and allow you to check his phone calls and texts and emails if he wants to regain your trust from cheating on you. It's probably move on time.

--Ronnie
************

Eddie's Take:

I'm sorry to break it to you, but this guy sounds like he is playing you. If he changed his number, why the hell would she have it? There could be a slight possibility that she is a crazy ex that is stalkerish, but I doubt it. Plenty of times an ex will seem like a crazy stalker, but what we don't see is that the person they are chasing is leading them on-- a false sense of hope if you will. This sounds like the case. He frequents her, he has sex with her, he talks to her... all of which sends her the message that he wants her. This is why she continues to pursue him.

Tell your beau to shit or get off the pot. If I were you, I would just move on. I know that with a child it will be very difficult. If you are a person that easily forgives, then you can give it a shot. If that is the case, both of you have to agree that it is water under the bridge. Don't stay for the wrong reasons.

Best of luck to you.

--Eddie
**************