Disrespected Lady

Dear Ask 3 Guys,

I am a 44 year old whose husband (49) of 14 years (7 living together followed by 7 of marriage) is verbally abusive to me. At times he is the sweetest, most charming man; then he just picks fights with me for no reason at all.

Not only is he disrespectful, he especially does it in public. His own friends have told me that they don't like the way he talks to me, but do not want to get involved. And I don't blame them for that.

I have just left him to go live with my daughter in KC and he still doesn't get it. He thinks that I am just being a brat and will get over it.

Do you think he will ever see the light and treat me like a lady that he loves. Or is he just a lost cause.

--Disrespected Lady
*************************

Dear DL,

Ronnie's Take:

First, let's handle the public disrespect part. Every time, without fail, when he disrespects you in public say " well maybe if your dick wasn't soooo little (whether it's true or not) _______ (whatever he is complaining about) wouldn't be a problem! He'll get the disrespect in public problem real quick. It's not too lady like, but will make the point you need to make. Next, to stay or go? Follow the 80/20 rule. Does he make you happy 80% of the time? If not, move on after you make it clear what your issue is.

--Ronnie
*************

Victor's Take:

I don't think anyone is a lost cause, just like I don't believe anything is impossible.

But, you cannot change your husband. He has to WANT to change. I assume you have shared with him that his behavior is unacceptable and hurts you on numerous occasions. But, for whatever reason, he continues to do it. I also assume that you probably feel like maybe you had some hand in him acting this way - that, it may be on some level your fault. It rarely, if ever is so don't beat yourself up about it anymore.

My guess is that your husband has deep, underlying emotional issues from his childhood or early adulthood that he has never dealt with. He needs to get help with this, but you cannot force him. Nor, is it your responsibility to fix him or feel bad for him. The responsibility to change his behavior is his and his alone. Maybe one day he will see the light, but that is up to him not you. Everyone deserves to live healthy, happy lives.

--Victor
***********

Eddie's Take:

There's a thin line between love and hate. It seems that the people that are the closest to you are the ones that can hurt you the most; however, to intentionally do it is uncool. I find that people are usually guilty of something when they treat their spouse like that. I'm not even talking about cheating. He could be watching porn and masturbating when you are not home. Then, he feels guilty, so he acts out. Just a thought...

To fix this, you need to tell him how you feel. When you do ___________, I feel ____________. Let him know that his actions have an impact on your feelings. If he doesn't get the point, I would suggest going to therapy. Maybe an unbiased third party could shed some light on it. If not, give him an ultimatum, but be sure that you stick to your guns. If you say you are done... be done.

Nobody deserves to be treated with disrespect. Be strong.

--Eddie
****************

Ask 3 Guys would like to thank our first official sponsor... The Title Lady. If you live in the New Orleans Area, visit The Title Lady for all of your title and insurance needs. Be sure to visit our homepage to see her ads. When you call or stop in, be sure to tell her that Ask 3 Guys sent you.