Dear Ask 3 Guys,
Can you ever really forgive a spouse for cheating? Can you get past the infidelity and have a strong relationship and marriage?
--Torn
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Dear Torn,
Victor's Take:
I talked about this before in another question... I think the guys answers here will be varied. Here is my take:
I think there are two types of people in the world.
1) Those who can TRULY forgive their cheating spouse.
2) Those who can't.
If you are #2, move on. You will live your life with an underlying resentment that will undermine everything that occurs in your relationship.
Period, end of discussion.
If you are #1, still go to marriage counseling. It will help you to get to what you are once again looking for - a strong and healthy marriage.
I wish you all the best.
--Victor
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Ronnie's Take:
Yes you can is the first answer. Is it very tough? YES, It takes two commented people. First the adult-er must by completely commented to making it work. The adult-er must be completely honest about why they did it. The adult-er must be a complete open book. They must be okay with text messages,emails, cell phone records being checked randomly at any time. This trust factor must be regained. The partner must NOT continue to throw it up in their face. It must be dropped and giving a true chance. It must not be the excuse for every fight that comes up after the fact. The partner must allow the adult-er to be truly honest for the reason of cheating. NOTHING justifies cheating, but there are factors that can lead to cheating. Some factors the partner can help with. Some factors come strictly within the adult-er. I'll give the example of my ex-wife and I. We both cheated on each other. I was insecure in myself growing up as a short, fat, shuddering red-head. My ex-wife wasn't affectionate. I took this as rejection and seeked out acceptance where ever I could find it. We both had issues to work on in this case. My x-wife cheated out of jealousy. I was always the center of attention, because of my personality. Even her close friends became very close friends of mine. Her way of getting attention and feeling good about herself was cheating. It was the only way she know to get them to like her more than me. We were married for 12 yrs and tried hard to overcome the infidelity. We had some very happy fun times together as a couple as we tried restoring our marriage. We forgave, but we couldn't get over our personal insecurities which led to more infidelity on both parts. Is it possible? YES! Will it take an awesome amount of commitment and openness on both parts? YES YES YES!!!!!!!!!
--Ronnie
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Eddie's Take:
Very tough question. It is easy to offer my opinion, but this dilemma paints a different picture when the life you have with your partner is the only one you know.
So, if asked to give an answer, it would be no. That's just my opinion. For me, it would just be too hard to let go of the fact that someone else had stolen the sacred bond that was mine. I have a zero-tolerance for infidelity. I think that all is lost if it ever gets to that level.
However, I have seen many couples work through your situation. Both parties have to agree to put what happened to bed (no pun intended), and the love between you has to be strong enough to prevail. The only way it will work is if you truly forgive him. Without that, you will never be able to give him 100%, which is required to have a fruitful relationship.
I wish you the best.
--Eddie
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This is a hard one especially when you are married and there is time involved not to mention if they have kids??? Then what do you do? Me personally I am married and have been for almost 6 years now with 2 kids.. If my husband cheated I don’t think there would be a bone in my body that could forgive him. The amount of pain that I would feel would be there every day, and to see his face would just remind me of it over and over? Ever wondered what drives a man to cheat when they have it all at home?? Then after they do it the first words they tell you is “I’m SORRY”!!! oh wait- let me guess, it just so happens his dick fell in another woman, my ass take your lame ass shit someplace else!! Nope I don’t think so, you may be sorry, but I am sorry that you are now a weekend father to go along with the dick trip you have landed yourself! How about this--Let’s ask them how would they like it if we cheated and another man got their wife’s goods???? Oh no way in hell-- we would be some 2cent piece of trash from off the side of the street, but it’s ok for them as long as they come with their sob as story and say their sorry, it’s suppose to be ok…well in my book cheating is not ok at all…I don’t do it, I hate it, and It does not play well with me!, Or should I say I don’t play with it at all!!!
ReplyDeleteNow you have to look at the other side of story-- The family part and what you guys have build together, that he took it upon himself to ruin and why- For what??? Now who suffers, the wife, the kids, the finical part of things, just b/c Joe blow decided he had to get his dick wet when he could get it wet at home!! I am sure the wife would have given him some just like she did…men I tell you, they never seem to amaze me anymore- that’s just sad!
On another note I am really sorry as a married woman this happen to you, I can only imagine the pain you felt and just the cringe you had to feel after hearing that—it doesn’t matter what we say as readers, you are the victim and you have to feel comfortable with the decision you make and ask yourself, can you live with him and go on—some people can and work it out, I have seen it! It’s just me as a person, I would throw it in his face every time I look at him, I could never give him another chance at all, what’s done is done, and that’s what it would be now, over and a dead issues to me!
Good luck!
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