Am I Just Being Too Picky?

Dear Ask 3 Guys,

Ok guys, its been quite some time since I last asked for advice, but I have another question for you.

I'll have to start by saying a little about myself, so you can understand the situation a bit better.

I demand perfection in absolutely everything. I am very critical-- quite possibly the hardest person anyone could make friends or have a relationship with, because I find every fault there is that exists. I point things out and expect change, and I am just as ruthless with myself.

Last year, I came across someone with everything I'd say was perfection:

She's passionate, gorgeous, mysterious, magnetic, loyal and we've made really good friends.

Now, here comes the problem-- She talks openly about sex. She's just so vulgar and dirty, which, to be honest, really gets on my tits. I don't mind it in private, but she just talks about it casually to anyone, as if there's nothing wrong. I just cringe inside constantly at it. Is there any need. Aren't some things just better left not talking about? I mean, sometimes, I have my kinky moments, but I tend to keep that side to my private life. It just all seems a bit sick.

Advice Guys-- what do I do? Because, I don't want to end things. If anything, I want to take things further, but I don't get the impression she's going to change if i mention my dissatisfaction.

I've never met someone with so much charm, and so much to like, so I definitely want to make this work-- no matter what it takes...

--Picky Nick
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Dear Picky Nick,

Ronnie's Take:

First, only you can control how you feel. What makes you right about the appropriate way to talk about sex? That is a personal feeling. There is no right or wrong. Until you learn about compromise, you will never make a relationship work. How would you feel if she was to say "Nick, I can't believe how insecure you are about talking openly about sex"? See my point?

Remember the 80-20 rule. Does she make you happy 80% of the time?

If so, move forward. If not, move on.

--Ronnie
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Victor's Take:

People change for themselves, rarely, if ever, for anyone else. Communicate - share with her that her open and frank talk in public about sex bothers you.

If she changes, she will do it on her own accord. Don't force her to change.
Doing so will only create resentment, and my man, resentment is the #1 Relationship killer.

Good luck...

--Victor
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Eddie's Take:

First, I want to take a moment to address your obsession with perfection. You will continue to be let down for the rest of your life if you do not get over it right now. I used to be the same way. You could show me a million-light Vegas strip display, and I would comment about the two bulbs that were burned out. In relationships, I would always nit-pick over the most trivial details. A girl's laugh, the way she smiled, etc. I was kind of like Eddie Murphy on Boomerang. One day, you will learn to value people for who they are. Because-- let's face it-- none of us are perfect.

Relationships are all about compromise and toleration. We compromise to please our significant others, and we learn to tolerate the things that they can't control.

So, for the open talk about sex-- just let her know how you feel. Ask her, when you are alone of course, if she could tone it down a tad. Just be honest with her. Let her know that sex is a private part of your life, and you choose to keep it that way. If it continues, either let her go, or learn to tolerate it. Also, try getting her to agree on a signal you can give her when you are feeling uncomfortable. It may sound corny, but it works for some couples. When she gets on a sex-talk tangent, give her the nod, and it will bring her back.

Best of luck to you.

--Eddie
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