School, work, life.... Where do I fit in?

Dear Ask 3 Guys,

Here is a little background information for you:

I was dating this guy "J" and things were going real well for about a month and a half. We just kind of fell into a routine, and it was working wonderfully. He is in school for a degree in Electrical Engineering (not the easiest thing to do, esp when working a full time job). And, he's one of the unfortunate people that go all year round, because they go part time. Summer semester began, and all was well. We didn't see each other nearly as much, but it still was working for me. I understand that school comes first. All of a sudden, one day he decided that he could not do a relationship, school, and work. So, I do the right thing and take a step back. J recently told me that he does care about me, and thinks about me all the time, and wants me in his life, BUT can't balance a relationship. I see a lot of potential in this man. I have very strong feelings for him. But, I don't know if there ever really is a point to waiting.

The Question:

If someone really wanted a relationship, wouldn't they find any means to make it work? Where should I go from here?

--Pushed Aside
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Dear Pushed Aside,

Victor's Take:

The answers to your questions are:

Yes.
Let him go.

It's that simple.

I have a plethora of female friends that have gone through this - a man who is non-committal for any number of reasons, whether valid or invalid. My answer is always the same - when a guy is truly into you - the "butterflies in the stomach", the "can't get you out of my mind" feelings... Nothing, and I mean NOTHING, is going to stop him - work, school, whatever - from being with you.

I think he is just not that in to you, and that's okay, because you know why?
Everyone deserves someone who is THAT into them. Let him go. Maybe your absence will make him realize that you are that important. He's not a bad person by any stretch of the imagination, he's just not there yet - and may never be.

I wish you all the best...

--V
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Ronnie's Take:

What's important to people change quite often. Sometimes even daily. I would tell him not to put labels on you two, and just go with the flow. You understand what he is going though. There will be no pressure to further this relationship until he has handled his responsibilities. Don't read anything into his indecisiveness. That usually comes when a person is under stress. Be supportive. T ell him you just want to have fun with no expectations in the meantime. Hope when he comes out on the other side that it will work, but be prepared if it doesn't.

--Ronnie
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Eddie's Take:

Plain and simple-- let him go. Don't try to pressure him to be with you. I can relate to the toll of school, work, and life all being juggled at the same time. I still do it, and it is tough.

However, I do know how powerful love is, and, if he really wanted it, he would do anything to be with you. So, part of me feels that this is just an excuse to let you down gracefully. Personally, I think it is a cop-out.

Just let him do his school thing, and you focus on being happy-- whatever it takes. I keep reiterating that people do not make us who we are. We have to define our characters, as well as our happiness, for ourselves.

In the end, I would thank him for the good times, tell him not to be a stranger, and wish him the best of luck.

--Eddie
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