Dear Ask 3 Guys,
First of all, I wanted to say that I really enjoy visiting your site. Thank you for introducing me to the wonders of GoGirl! Not sure if I want to use it, but it's nice to know it's out there! I also read the Top 10 Things Every Man Needs to Know. Regarding Victor's Rule #2: Instead of a bar, try spending time at Starbucks, Whole Foods, or even the Mall to meet women. Would you also say this would be a good place for a woman to meet a man? Whenever I'm in Starbucks, Whole Foods, or the Mall, and I see an attractive guy, I think either he's busy or attached. I agree that a bar is not an ideal meeting spot, but usually it's easier to start a conversation there. What are your thoughts on a woman approaching a man who might be busy shopping? Is that too bold? I look forward to your answer and I'm also a fan of Ask 3 Guys on FaceBook.
--Juliet
*******************
Dear Juliet,
Ronnie's Take:
It would be refreshing. Come off very soft as though it's not normal for you, but as though you are working on your openness. Did that make sense? LOL You have nothing to lose and probably would never see the person again... unless he was interested too!
--Ronnie
****************
Victor's Take:
Go for it!!! A few things...
A man's ego needs to be stroked, even in the lightest ways. See him looking at a product on the shelf? Walk up and ask him a question about that or something that you picked up. "Excuse me, have you ever tried _____ before?"
You want his opinion and value it = ego stroke!
A guy at a bookstore or a coffee shop reading a book, "Excuse me, I was thinking about picking that book up. I have heard some good things. What do you think about it?"
It's easier to start a conversation at a bar because we are all buzzing and our defenses are down.
Look, I think I am very confident person. My friend told me one time, "You make coffee nervous." Another offered this opinion, "You have more game then Milton Bradley." I'm STILL a little nervous anytime I approach a woman! I think this fear is mostly unwarranted, back from your school days when kids were just mean to kids. Today, people - men and women both, don't want to be mean to each other. So, chances are, even if that stranger you approached wasn't really into you, they don't want to be mean. Take a chance!
Good luck to you!
--Vic
*************
Eddie's Take:
First, thanks for your kind words. We are glad that you have enjoyed our responses. And, as far as the GoGirl, I would keep it at arm's length.
In response to your question, of course you should attempt to strike up a conversation with someone that you would like to meet. As people, some of us fear rejection; however, that is more likely in the male species. The good thing about you approaching a man is that is what we would love. Far too often, guys have no clue if a woman is into them, so it would be a nice surprise for guys to get noticed. I seriously doubt that you would get any negative feedback. And, who knows, you may end up with a lifelong friend... or even more.
--Eddie
**************
Friday, October 30, 2009
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
I sent you an IM, but you didn't respond
Dear Ask 3 Guys,
I've been really flirtatious with a friend online (which I don't really see much, only sometimes). We flirted a lot online (really a lot). The thing is that, recently, he doesn't speak to me the same as before, and I don't know why. I've tried to ask him why this is, telling him that maybe his msn was wrong, but he only said "haha yeah maybe". What can I do? Do you think I'm too dependent on the internet?
--IM Girl
*****************
Dear IM Girl,
Victor's Take:
Maybe something changed in his life that he doesn't want to share with you.
He might have a girlfriend or the like. He should be honest and upfront about those things, but unfortunately - people withhold the truth all the time. It's happened to me numerous times, and, although I know that in their heart their intentions were good, the road to hell is paved with good intentions.
You cannot force him to tell you.
On another note, I think the Internet is in some ways effecting our social skills overall. If you spend your whole life online, how can you have a decent set of social skills? It sounds to me like you might be falling into that trap.
Remember, life is all about balance and moderation.
--Vic
***********
Ronnie's Take:
Seems like he views you in a different light now. Almost judgemental. Maybe he viewed you as a good girl and now he knows your bad-- LOL. You busted his fairytale, and that's his hangup.
Move on, next!!!!
--Ronnie
*************
Eddie's Take:
Yes, you are too dependent on the internet. Do yourself a favor-- stop analyzing things so much. It is not uncommon for someone to appear interested, or even single, when you are talking to them via the internet. My take is that he was busted by his girlfriend, and now she is monitoring his internet behavior. Sounds like you are making this way bigger than it really is. You guys flirted online, now it is over. You did nothing different, so he is the root cause. Just let it go. Don't fall for traps like this. Instead, focus on finding happiness within yourself. People make stupid decisions each day. Learn from them, move on, and improve your shady-character-detecting-skills.
--Eddie
***********
I've been really flirtatious with a friend online (which I don't really see much, only sometimes). We flirted a lot online (really a lot). The thing is that, recently, he doesn't speak to me the same as before, and I don't know why. I've tried to ask him why this is, telling him that maybe his msn was wrong, but he only said "haha yeah maybe". What can I do? Do you think I'm too dependent on the internet?
--IM Girl
*****************
Dear IM Girl,
Victor's Take:
Maybe something changed in his life that he doesn't want to share with you.
He might have a girlfriend or the like. He should be honest and upfront about those things, but unfortunately - people withhold the truth all the time. It's happened to me numerous times, and, although I know that in their heart their intentions were good, the road to hell is paved with good intentions.
You cannot force him to tell you.
On another note, I think the Internet is in some ways effecting our social skills overall. If you spend your whole life online, how can you have a decent set of social skills? It sounds to me like you might be falling into that trap.
Remember, life is all about balance and moderation.
--Vic
***********
Ronnie's Take:
Seems like he views you in a different light now. Almost judgemental. Maybe he viewed you as a good girl and now he knows your bad-- LOL. You busted his fairytale, and that's his hangup.
Move on, next!!!!
--Ronnie
*************
Eddie's Take:
Yes, you are too dependent on the internet. Do yourself a favor-- stop analyzing things so much. It is not uncommon for someone to appear interested, or even single, when you are talking to them via the internet. My take is that he was busted by his girlfriend, and now she is monitoring his internet behavior. Sounds like you are making this way bigger than it really is. You guys flirted online, now it is over. You did nothing different, so he is the root cause. Just let it go. Don't fall for traps like this. Instead, focus on finding happiness within yourself. People make stupid decisions each day. Learn from them, move on, and improve your shady-character-detecting-skills.
--Eddie
***********
Sunday, October 11, 2009
Did I Say (or Txt) something Wrong???
Dear Ask 3 Guys,
I broke up with my ex 4 months ago but it was over a long time before we offically moved out of our unit and went our seperate ways. It has now been offically 3 months since the actual moving out and moving on.
Anyways I met someone who i have a lot in common with. It was amazing and while i wasnt realy wanting to get into another relationship (this last one was 5 yrs long and included an engagement) I was finding myself wanting to spend time with this person and I suppose just see what happened in time.
This person i therefore started to 'see/date' was very into me but i explained my past relationship and how i wasnt 'ready just yet'-- he was ok with this. He became very smitten though and would txt/call a lot and we would hang out once or twice a week. Over this time i began to get to know him and saw we had so much in common, he made me laugh and through his txts and phone calls encourged me to let my guard down a bit. He told me he had feelings for me a few times and in the past couple weeks and I told him i felt the same which i did but we both agreed to just take it as it comes. we have not had sex btw.
so anyways he has an ex gf who he had a 'one last time' with and she became pregnant. she is on a student visa and is from a poor country. he broke up with her as she is very mean and not a nice person (his words not mine). her visa issue runs out at the end of the year. This info did not bother me to begin with as we were 'just friends' but now obviously it is a big complication as i now have felings for him.
anyways so after 'dating' him for 5 weeks he tells me she had given him an ultimatium: to get back with her and she will stay in our country or she will move back to her home country on the other side of the world and have their child there. I know all of this is true btw. and i understand her point of view as she is pregnant and has no family here etc. he does support her and take her to dr appointments etc but does not want to be with her as they tried for a very long time and she was never willing to work with him on things etc.
so as soon as he was given this ultimatium (which he told me about as it happened) i felt worried for him and pretty sure he would go back to her. I was scared of getting hurt but knew this was a HUGE issue and whatever decision he made i would fully support and understand. He kept telling me how amazing i was and i telling him. We both seemed to really like one another. I did back off a bit as to let him have some space to 'think' about his decision. It was hard knowing whether to give space or not. He had to make the decision that night as her parents wanted to book the ticket.
The next day he txt me saying ' i hope i didnt make you angry last night talking about ex'. I replied saying 'angry? no, not at all. of course not. i love that your being honest with me etc etc'. and i honestly wasnt angry at all! we txt back and forth a bit more, him telling me he was so confused, didnt know how to make the decision, he felt it was the end but couldnt be an ass to his kid. his heart was confused. he hated himself etc etc. i tried to offer support, told him to not hate himself and that it was a hard decision and i hoped he would be ok etc. we then just txt about every day stuff and things seemed ok for the situation anyways.
anyways i didnt txt him at all next day and he didnt me as he had an ultra sound with the ex. at 4pm the day after that he txt me saying 'do you hate me yet? sorry been crazy couple of days". i wrote back sayin of course i didnt hate him and that i knew he had a lot on his mind and that is why i was giving him space and asked if he was ok. he did not reply.
to be honest i started thinking negative thoughts like, ok he's back with ex because he had to make the decision by the other day and he just doesnt know how to tell me its over etc. I wanted to be supportive but was scared he was back with her and just not letting me know as it was NOT like hi at all to not txt me and def not like him to not reply but i know he had a lot on his mind, yet it still made me feel uneasy as i do have feelings for him.
so the next morning i txt saying ' im confsed,whats happening, i hope everything is ok...'.
i know, i know bad idea! just my negative thoughts had got the best of me! He did not reply.
that night i sent a txt sayin 'hey...ok i get the hint'. Now i honestly did not mean this as sarcastic as it sounded. i meant it like ok, u can ttell me its over, i get it;/ i was more sad then anything.
no reply until the next day around 2pm where he said 'k. so so sorry. had power surge at my place last night , killed almost everything..so so sorry....'
i txt back albeit quite a few hrs later ( i was in meeting alllll day) sayin 'sorry, phone was off, what r u sorry for?" again, no reply.
the next day i wrote him a txt sayin that i just wanted him to be happy and i knew he had a lot going on and that if he didnt want to see me /talk to me i would understand because his position and to just let me know. i said i hoped things were ok and if i didnt hear from him i would figure he didnt want to see me/talk to me. no reply.
again i didnt mean this sarcasticly, i was just trying to make it easy for him.
This has been a really hard situation as i have told him i hate talkin about stuff over txt as i am not good at it n worry things can b misinterpreted etc. It has also been hard mostly because i didnt know what to do, to give him space or not, to just wait until he contacted me even if weeks later, and i also didnt want to bother him as he had so much on his mind yet i worried it was over and he just wasnt or didnt know how to tell me (this has happened to me many times in past).
Now i feel incredibly selfish for sending those last two txts when he has so much on his mind.
do you think this is why he as not got back to me? he thinks im selfish?
in the past i have told him that i refrain from talking about how i feel at times as i dont want to put more stress on him etc. he told me i should always tell him as my feelings are valid too.
he has gone from txtn/callin me few times day every day saying things like 'your beyond amazing' 'you make me smile too much this is happiest i been in so so long' etc to just not replying but i kow he has a lot on his plate but at same time i worry im just not getting the hint, you know!?
so i sent him another txt sayin ' im just worried, r u ok? just its not liek u to just not reply. have i done something wrong? if i have im sorry, i didnt mean to, if u thought i didnt/dont care, thats wrong cos i do. if you cant see me again i understand but know i will be sad n wish it wasnt the case but of course totally understand! I just want you to know i miss you, think your amazing, i thought i had nothing left to give after last rship and i found myself giving with you and it was so so nice. i hadnt been happy like this in long time, i just want you to know if you ever need/want me im here'.
no reply.
now everyone had told me he just wasn t interested didnt know how to tell me. but I really didnt thnk he was that type person....he chased me, encouraged me to put my guard down saying how amazing i was, kissing me for hours n then sayin 'i so have feelings for you' saying how i made him smile all time at work, how suportive i was etc etc. how i was what he wants in girl n all the boxs were ticked etc etc.
i worry i have screwed up a good thing by being paranoid and pushy.
a couple of guys have told me a guy can get put off easily by a girl and that turn off can be as strong as the original turn on and that its over.
i wish i had of just given him space and waited for him to tell me. it was my guy friend originally who said that his txts about having crazy couple of days and so sorry power surge etc we're his ay of letting me down gently. thats what encouraged me to send thos last two txts about where we stood etc kinda fing.
was i way in the wrong? am i a selfish person? we're his non informative txts letting me know it was over n i was right to send those last two txts as a result?
i feel so bad n selfish n unsuportive!
is it definetly over? he last txt me a week ago friday so now week n half ago.
is there anything else i can do? i know i cant txt him anymore etc as already on verge of stalker hahaha, but if i have just made him mad and thats why hes not talking to me is there anything i can do to show i didnt mean harm or whatever? can i /should i apologise?
thanks for any advice. I really appreciate it!!!
--Longwinded
*********************
Dear LW,
Ronnie's Take:
Wow I think you win longest question. LOL. Paranoid fit pretty well. You did nothing wrong. He was in a tuff situation and handled it the best way he knew how. Who knows what decision he made, but it obviously wasn't you. Having that guard up is bad. Learn to roll with things. Make sure you love yourself first and foremost. Remember you never thought you would meet this guy. Guess what? People say that all the time and meet somebody else. People feel like when relationships end, they can never go on. Guess what? Millions of people break up and fall in love with someone else again. It might take time, but it will happen. Think back to all the ex's you were in love with. Is it the end of the world? No... of course not.
--Ronnie
**************
Victor's Take:
This is a text (pardon the pun) book example of why texting about feelings and emotions and having long drawn out conversations about them just shouldn't be done. It is so easy for things to get misconstrued. But, in this case, that was not the problem. You were not selfish and you did not do anything wrong. I would have picked up the phone and communicated, but I don't think it would have made a difference in this case.
He is back together with his ex. No more texts, no more calls... let it lie and move on. I know it is going to be difficult, but it is the right thing to do. This man is not a bad man, but has an understandably conflicted heart and he needs to deal with that completely before he can focus on anyone else.
I wish you all the best going forward...
--V
**********
Eddie's Take:
Man, you have a lot to say. This whole texting thing is such a pet peeve of mine. Pick up the freaking phone an call. Texting and this Gen-Y shorthand lingo has stripped us of actually having an intelligent conversation. I use texting to say a few things, but what is wrong with picking up the phone. That way, you don't have to worry about your message being misconstrued (sorry Vic, I see you used that one too).
So, get over the lol, omg, lmao, btw, n whtvr elz it iz dat smz so gr8 bout txtn.
As far as you and the immigrant-banger. Just let the dude go. Sounds like the timing is way off for you guys right now. Be there for support, but don't chase him-- it actually looks desperate and tasteless to guys. Work on being strong and confident in who you are.... the rest will fall in to place.
BTW... A3G duz not answr qustns submtd by txt... L-O-freaking-L.
--Eddie
**************
I broke up with my ex 4 months ago but it was over a long time before we offically moved out of our unit and went our seperate ways. It has now been offically 3 months since the actual moving out and moving on.
Anyways I met someone who i have a lot in common with. It was amazing and while i wasnt realy wanting to get into another relationship (this last one was 5 yrs long and included an engagement) I was finding myself wanting to spend time with this person and I suppose just see what happened in time.
This person i therefore started to 'see/date' was very into me but i explained my past relationship and how i wasnt 'ready just yet'-- he was ok with this. He became very smitten though and would txt/call a lot and we would hang out once or twice a week. Over this time i began to get to know him and saw we had so much in common, he made me laugh and through his txts and phone calls encourged me to let my guard down a bit. He told me he had feelings for me a few times and in the past couple weeks and I told him i felt the same which i did but we both agreed to just take it as it comes. we have not had sex btw.
so anyways he has an ex gf who he had a 'one last time' with and she became pregnant. she is on a student visa and is from a poor country. he broke up with her as she is very mean and not a nice person (his words not mine). her visa issue runs out at the end of the year. This info did not bother me to begin with as we were 'just friends' but now obviously it is a big complication as i now have felings for him.
anyways so after 'dating' him for 5 weeks he tells me she had given him an ultimatium: to get back with her and she will stay in our country or she will move back to her home country on the other side of the world and have their child there. I know all of this is true btw. and i understand her point of view as she is pregnant and has no family here etc. he does support her and take her to dr appointments etc but does not want to be with her as they tried for a very long time and she was never willing to work with him on things etc.
so as soon as he was given this ultimatium (which he told me about as it happened) i felt worried for him and pretty sure he would go back to her. I was scared of getting hurt but knew this was a HUGE issue and whatever decision he made i would fully support and understand. He kept telling me how amazing i was and i telling him. We both seemed to really like one another. I did back off a bit as to let him have some space to 'think' about his decision. It was hard knowing whether to give space or not. He had to make the decision that night as her parents wanted to book the ticket.
The next day he txt me saying ' i hope i didnt make you angry last night talking about ex'. I replied saying 'angry? no, not at all. of course not. i love that your being honest with me etc etc'. and i honestly wasnt angry at all! we txt back and forth a bit more, him telling me he was so confused, didnt know how to make the decision, he felt it was the end but couldnt be an ass to his kid. his heart was confused. he hated himself etc etc. i tried to offer support, told him to not hate himself and that it was a hard decision and i hoped he would be ok etc. we then just txt about every day stuff and things seemed ok for the situation anyways.
anyways i didnt txt him at all next day and he didnt me as he had an ultra sound with the ex. at 4pm the day after that he txt me saying 'do you hate me yet? sorry been crazy couple of days". i wrote back sayin of course i didnt hate him and that i knew he had a lot on his mind and that is why i was giving him space and asked if he was ok. he did not reply.
to be honest i started thinking negative thoughts like, ok he's back with ex because he had to make the decision by the other day and he just doesnt know how to tell me its over etc. I wanted to be supportive but was scared he was back with her and just not letting me know as it was NOT like hi at all to not txt me and def not like him to not reply but i know he had a lot on his mind, yet it still made me feel uneasy as i do have feelings for him.
so the next morning i txt saying ' im confsed,whats happening, i hope everything is ok...'.
i know, i know bad idea! just my negative thoughts had got the best of me! He did not reply.
that night i sent a txt sayin 'hey...ok i get the hint'. Now i honestly did not mean this as sarcastic as it sounded. i meant it like ok, u can ttell me its over, i get it;/ i was more sad then anything.
no reply until the next day around 2pm where he said 'k. so so sorry. had power surge at my place last night , killed almost everything..so so sorry....'
i txt back albeit quite a few hrs later ( i was in meeting alllll day) sayin 'sorry, phone was off, what r u sorry for?" again, no reply.
the next day i wrote him a txt sayin that i just wanted him to be happy and i knew he had a lot going on and that if he didnt want to see me /talk to me i would understand because his position and to just let me know. i said i hoped things were ok and if i didnt hear from him i would figure he didnt want to see me/talk to me. no reply.
again i didnt mean this sarcasticly, i was just trying to make it easy for him.
This has been a really hard situation as i have told him i hate talkin about stuff over txt as i am not good at it n worry things can b misinterpreted etc. It has also been hard mostly because i didnt know what to do, to give him space or not, to just wait until he contacted me even if weeks later, and i also didnt want to bother him as he had so much on his mind yet i worried it was over and he just wasnt or didnt know how to tell me (this has happened to me many times in past).
Now i feel incredibly selfish for sending those last two txts when he has so much on his mind.
do you think this is why he as not got back to me? he thinks im selfish?
in the past i have told him that i refrain from talking about how i feel at times as i dont want to put more stress on him etc. he told me i should always tell him as my feelings are valid too.
he has gone from txtn/callin me few times day every day saying things like 'your beyond amazing' 'you make me smile too much this is happiest i been in so so long' etc to just not replying but i kow he has a lot on his plate but at same time i worry im just not getting the hint, you know!?
so i sent him another txt sayin ' im just worried, r u ok? just its not liek u to just not reply. have i done something wrong? if i have im sorry, i didnt mean to, if u thought i didnt/dont care, thats wrong cos i do. if you cant see me again i understand but know i will be sad n wish it wasnt the case but of course totally understand! I just want you to know i miss you, think your amazing, i thought i had nothing left to give after last rship and i found myself giving with you and it was so so nice. i hadnt been happy like this in long time, i just want you to know if you ever need/want me im here'.
no reply.
now everyone had told me he just wasn t interested didnt know how to tell me. but I really didnt thnk he was that type person....he chased me, encouraged me to put my guard down saying how amazing i was, kissing me for hours n then sayin 'i so have feelings for you' saying how i made him smile all time at work, how suportive i was etc etc. how i was what he wants in girl n all the boxs were ticked etc etc.
i worry i have screwed up a good thing by being paranoid and pushy.
a couple of guys have told me a guy can get put off easily by a girl and that turn off can be as strong as the original turn on and that its over.
i wish i had of just given him space and waited for him to tell me. it was my guy friend originally who said that his txts about having crazy couple of days and so sorry power surge etc we're his ay of letting me down gently. thats what encouraged me to send thos last two txts about where we stood etc kinda fing.
was i way in the wrong? am i a selfish person? we're his non informative txts letting me know it was over n i was right to send those last two txts as a result?
i feel so bad n selfish n unsuportive!
is it definetly over? he last txt me a week ago friday so now week n half ago.
is there anything else i can do? i know i cant txt him anymore etc as already on verge of stalker hahaha, but if i have just made him mad and thats why hes not talking to me is there anything i can do to show i didnt mean harm or whatever? can i /should i apologise?
thanks for any advice. I really appreciate it!!!
--Longwinded
*********************
Dear LW,
Ronnie's Take:
Wow I think you win longest question. LOL. Paranoid fit pretty well. You did nothing wrong. He was in a tuff situation and handled it the best way he knew how. Who knows what decision he made, but it obviously wasn't you. Having that guard up is bad. Learn to roll with things. Make sure you love yourself first and foremost. Remember you never thought you would meet this guy. Guess what? People say that all the time and meet somebody else. People feel like when relationships end, they can never go on. Guess what? Millions of people break up and fall in love with someone else again. It might take time, but it will happen. Think back to all the ex's you were in love with. Is it the end of the world? No... of course not.
--Ronnie
**************
Victor's Take:
This is a text (pardon the pun) book example of why texting about feelings and emotions and having long drawn out conversations about them just shouldn't be done. It is so easy for things to get misconstrued. But, in this case, that was not the problem. You were not selfish and you did not do anything wrong. I would have picked up the phone and communicated, but I don't think it would have made a difference in this case.
He is back together with his ex. No more texts, no more calls... let it lie and move on. I know it is going to be difficult, but it is the right thing to do. This man is not a bad man, but has an understandably conflicted heart and he needs to deal with that completely before he can focus on anyone else.
I wish you all the best going forward...
--V
**********
Eddie's Take:
Man, you have a lot to say. This whole texting thing is such a pet peeve of mine. Pick up the freaking phone an call. Texting and this Gen-Y shorthand lingo has stripped us of actually having an intelligent conversation. I use texting to say a few things, but what is wrong with picking up the phone. That way, you don't have to worry about your message being misconstrued (sorry Vic, I see you used that one too).
So, get over the lol, omg, lmao, btw, n whtvr elz it iz dat smz so gr8 bout txtn.
As far as you and the immigrant-banger. Just let the dude go. Sounds like the timing is way off for you guys right now. Be there for support, but don't chase him-- it actually looks desperate and tasteless to guys. Work on being strong and confident in who you are.... the rest will fall in to place.
BTW... A3G duz not answr qustns submtd by txt... L-O-freaking-L.
--Eddie
**************
Friday, October 2, 2009
My Ex-boyfriend
Dear Ask 3 Guys,
Three days ago, I broke up with my boyfriend TJ because he was just treating me badly. He's in the closet, big time. He was raised as one of those Jesus freaks, so it was hard on me anyway. I know I kind of ruined the relationship because after that heres what happened. I felt bad because I broke up with him spur of the moment, and he said he didn't want a relationship for a while. Well this was strange but I went along with it for a few hours, then I asked if he still felt the same. Since I did I thought it would be cute for him to say that. He then said that he has no love for me anymore. Well I thought that was crazy, so I got mad.. WAY mad. I told all of his friends he was gay (he's 19.. and not out >.>) including his room mate. They were all really cool with it, and I proved it to them. (pictures, information) So I talked to him that day about what I did. He then went on to say that god had made him straight. That in itself is the biggest crock of shit in the whole world. I think about it and I see where I went wrong, but I want to fix it! I was talking to his room mate about it last night and he said he would try to talk to TJ, but all TJ says to anyone is "I'm not gay!" So I'm not getting my hopes up.
I would like to have you guys set me a plan to get him back, I really want him back >.<.
He was my first for EVERYTHING, and even though I wasn't his first, and when I think about him with other people it makes me sick, I still care for him.. Can you please help me on what to do? He's one of the most important people in my life.
--Guy
************
Dear Guy,
Victor's Take:
I imagine there was a time before you were “out” and kept your sexual preferences secret. How would you have felt if someone you knew, cared about, or even loved did the same thing to you? I’m guessing devastated.
There were already major roadblocks in your relationship with him – “Jesus Freak”, the fact he was not “out”. Remember, everything in life happens for a reason. Maybe, just maybe, that occurred here.
If you want to get back with him, I would recommend writing him a letter – for starters. Share with him the things you mentioned in your question. Be honest and open, be apologetic and vulnerable… most importantly, share with him how you really feel about him. See where it goes from there.
Good luck…
--Vic
***********
Ronnie's Take:
This is a reason so many people are stuck in bad relationships-- The fear of loss drives people to do strange things.
First, you complain how miserable you were with him. Then, all of a sudden, you can't live without him. You seem to be young. BREAK this behavior now. I promise you that you will meet somebody else that you think is great over a matter of time. He has too much baggage for a 19yr old. RUN from a relationship with him. Suck it up for a few weeks. You will miss him, and all the cute things he did. Keep him as a friend... ONLY if you would like.
This is all a great part of growing up.
--Ronnie
**************
Eddie's Take:
Guy, readers, people, world.... Get this through your heads... YOU CAN'T FORCE SOMEONE TO BE WITH YOU.
I just don't get it. You totally threw this guy under the bus by exposing his gay card. Coming out of the closet is a big step for gay people, and to have it exposed against their will is just not cool. Anyone in their right mind would be pissed at you.
Now he has to constantly defend his sexuality to his friends and family. Did you think that maybe he just wasn't ready to open that can?
Sounds like you may have dug too deep of a hole this time. All I can say is give it time. Let the smoke clear, then try to communicate with him.
If he's done with you, move on. Don't become a stalker.
--Eddie
**************
Three days ago, I broke up with my boyfriend TJ because he was just treating me badly. He's in the closet, big time. He was raised as one of those Jesus freaks, so it was hard on me anyway. I know I kind of ruined the relationship because after that heres what happened. I felt bad because I broke up with him spur of the moment, and he said he didn't want a relationship for a while. Well this was strange but I went along with it for a few hours, then I asked if he still felt the same. Since I did I thought it would be cute for him to say that. He then said that he has no love for me anymore. Well I thought that was crazy, so I got mad.. WAY mad. I told all of his friends he was gay (he's 19.. and not out >.>) including his room mate. They were all really cool with it, and I proved it to them. (pictures, information) So I talked to him that day about what I did. He then went on to say that god had made him straight. That in itself is the biggest crock of shit in the whole world. I think about it and I see where I went wrong, but I want to fix it! I was talking to his room mate about it last night and he said he would try to talk to TJ, but all TJ says to anyone is "I'm not gay!" So I'm not getting my hopes up.
I would like to have you guys set me a plan to get him back, I really want him back >.<.
He was my first for EVERYTHING, and even though I wasn't his first, and when I think about him with other people it makes me sick, I still care for him.. Can you please help me on what to do? He's one of the most important people in my life.
--Guy
************
Dear Guy,
Victor's Take:
I imagine there was a time before you were “out” and kept your sexual preferences secret. How would you have felt if someone you knew, cared about, or even loved did the same thing to you? I’m guessing devastated.
There were already major roadblocks in your relationship with him – “Jesus Freak”, the fact he was not “out”. Remember, everything in life happens for a reason. Maybe, just maybe, that occurred here.
If you want to get back with him, I would recommend writing him a letter – for starters. Share with him the things you mentioned in your question. Be honest and open, be apologetic and vulnerable… most importantly, share with him how you really feel about him. See where it goes from there.
Good luck…
--Vic
***********
Ronnie's Take:
This is a reason so many people are stuck in bad relationships-- The fear of loss drives people to do strange things.
First, you complain how miserable you were with him. Then, all of a sudden, you can't live without him. You seem to be young. BREAK this behavior now. I promise you that you will meet somebody else that you think is great over a matter of time. He has too much baggage for a 19yr old. RUN from a relationship with him. Suck it up for a few weeks. You will miss him, and all the cute things he did. Keep him as a friend... ONLY if you would like.
This is all a great part of growing up.
--Ronnie
**************
Eddie's Take:
Guy, readers, people, world.... Get this through your heads... YOU CAN'T FORCE SOMEONE TO BE WITH YOU.
I just don't get it. You totally threw this guy under the bus by exposing his gay card. Coming out of the closet is a big step for gay people, and to have it exposed against their will is just not cool. Anyone in their right mind would be pissed at you.
Now he has to constantly defend his sexuality to his friends and family. Did you think that maybe he just wasn't ready to open that can?
Sounds like you may have dug too deep of a hole this time. All I can say is give it time. Let the smoke clear, then try to communicate with him.
If he's done with you, move on. Don't become a stalker.
--Eddie
**************
Friday, September 25, 2009
Go Girl...
Dear Ask 3 Guys,
I have an itch and an odor downstairs, and I have been using the Go Girl product. Do you think it is the cause of my problem? At this point, any information is helpful and needed urgently. I can't take the smell! Do you think others can smell it too?
Please help!
--Go Girl
*******************
Okay everyone,
Befor we answer the question, we want to make sure that everyone understands what the Go Girl product is. Of course, we had to research this one, and we were definitely surprised. Why would a woman need this anyway?
Here's some information from the Go Girl website:
Ok, so what’s a GoGirl?
Simply put, GoGirl is the way to stand up to crowded, disgusting, distant or non-existent bathrooms. It’s a female urination device (sometimes called a FUD) that allows you to urinate while standing up. It’s neat. It’s discreet. It’s hygienic.GoGirl is easy to use. Just lower your panties, and put GoGirl against your body, forming a seal. Aim and, well, pee. Pretty simple, huh?
GoGirl fits easily in your purse, pocket, or glove compartment. It’s a must for travel and sports. And it’s great for everyday––no more crouching over or trying to cover up an unsanitary public toilet.
While the concept may be new to you, European women have used female urination devices for years. GoGirl’s not the first device of its kind. But try it. And we think you’ll agree it’s easily the best.
Only GoGirl is made with flexible, medical grade silicone. Dispose of it after use. Or clean and reuse as you like. (Urine is sterile, but the product can come into contact with contaminates during use, so take precautions when cleaning.) Our patented splash guard eliminates messing and spilling. Once you practice a time or two, using a GoGirl is going to feel like second nature. You won’t be like a man. You’ll just pee like one;">**************************************************
Dear Go Girl,
Victor's Take:
I had to look up the GO GIRL product online, I tell you... who knew?
No, this is not the cause of your problem. You need to see a gynecologist immediately.
My best friend who is a nurse thinks you might have a case of bacterial vaginosis. This is an infection that occurs when the good bacteria is overcome by the bad bacteria. It can cause odor, discharge, frequent urination, etc. and can be resolved with a prescription vaginal cream that will be given by a doctor. Your doctor will give you a test to determine if this is your issue.
Go to the doctor!
Good luck,
--V
************
Ronnie's Take:
I don't know of a direct corelation between the two, and I can't find any with some research. I would stop using it and see if the smell and itch go away. First and foremost though, see a doctor. It could be dangerous and will definitely ruin your sex life.
--Ronnie
**************
Eddie's Take:
Yes others can smell it. If you can smell it, they can smell it. I, honestly, had no clue what the Go Girl was, and I was blown away when I went to the website. Is it that important to pee standing up? Do you actually carry this thing in your purse when you go out. My obvious take on this is that the device is dirty. I don't know what kind of cleaning rituals you have, but any left over urine, or germs in general, can result in the growth of bacteria. Then, you are using this thing over and over again. Hello-- that is just foul.
So, be like the rest of the women, and learn to hover. Or, go places where they have cleaner restrooms.
No one likes it when someone's special place is smelly, so take care of it. See a doctor, because you probably have something going on in there that requires their expertise.
Adios!
--Eddie
**************
I have an itch and an odor downstairs, and I have been using the Go Girl product. Do you think it is the cause of my problem? At this point, any information is helpful and needed urgently. I can't take the smell! Do you think others can smell it too?
Please help!
--Go Girl
*******************
Okay everyone,
Befor we answer the question, we want to make sure that everyone understands what the Go Girl product is. Of course, we had to research this one, and we were definitely surprised. Why would a woman need this anyway?
Here's some information from the Go Girl website:
Ok, so what’s a GoGirl?
Simply put, GoGirl is the way to stand up to crowded, disgusting, distant or non-existent bathrooms. It’s a female urination device (sometimes called a FUD) that allows you to urinate while standing up. It’s neat. It’s discreet. It’s hygienic.GoGirl is easy to use. Just lower your panties, and put GoGirl against your body, forming a seal. Aim and, well, pee. Pretty simple, huh?
GoGirl fits easily in your purse, pocket, or glove compartment. It’s a must for travel and sports. And it’s great for everyday––no more crouching over or trying to cover up an unsanitary public toilet.
While the concept may be new to you, European women have used female urination devices for years. GoGirl’s not the first device of its kind. But try it. And we think you’ll agree it’s easily the best.
Only GoGirl is made with flexible, medical grade silicone. Dispose of it after use. Or clean and reuse as you like. (Urine is sterile, but the product can come into contact with contaminates during use, so take precautions when cleaning.) Our patented splash guard eliminates messing and spilling. Once you practice a time or two, using a GoGirl is going to feel like second nature. You won’t be like a man. You’ll just pee like one;">**************************************************
Dear Go Girl,
Victor's Take:
I had to look up the GO GIRL product online, I tell you... who knew?
No, this is not the cause of your problem. You need to see a gynecologist immediately.
My best friend who is a nurse thinks you might have a case of bacterial vaginosis. This is an infection that occurs when the good bacteria is overcome by the bad bacteria. It can cause odor, discharge, frequent urination, etc. and can be resolved with a prescription vaginal cream that will be given by a doctor. Your doctor will give you a test to determine if this is your issue.
Go to the doctor!
Good luck,
--V
************
Ronnie's Take:
I don't know of a direct corelation between the two, and I can't find any with some research. I would stop using it and see if the smell and itch go away. First and foremost though, see a doctor. It could be dangerous and will definitely ruin your sex life.
--Ronnie
**************
Eddie's Take:
Yes others can smell it. If you can smell it, they can smell it. I, honestly, had no clue what the Go Girl was, and I was blown away when I went to the website. Is it that important to pee standing up? Do you actually carry this thing in your purse when you go out. My obvious take on this is that the device is dirty. I don't know what kind of cleaning rituals you have, but any left over urine, or germs in general, can result in the growth of bacteria. Then, you are using this thing over and over again. Hello-- that is just foul.
So, be like the rest of the women, and learn to hover. Or, go places where they have cleaner restrooms.
No one likes it when someone's special place is smelly, so take care of it. See a doctor, because you probably have something going on in there that requires their expertise.
Adios!
--Eddie
**************
Thursday, September 17, 2009
Student-Teacher Affairs
Dear Ask 3 Guys,
I am a 21 year old college student, and I may be having an affair with my professor. It started when I saw him in the local coffee shop and asked what kind of format his exams were in (multiple choice, essay, etc.). He said he had some old exams in his office from the previous semester to help me prepare. So the following day, I went to his office, we began chatting about trivial things, like my major and college life. He is only 28 years old, single and fresh out of graduate school; we had a lot in common. Soon, we began regular study sessions at the local coffee shop (other students were included most of the time). Recently, I began spending more and more time at his apartment-- just watching tv, cooking dinner, studying, and sometimes I fell asleep there.
My college strongly discourages student-teacher relationships, but has not adopted a policy to prevent it.
I'm not receiving any favors. We definitely have established a separation between our school relationship and personal relationship. I didn't do so well on his first test, and that just made him want to help me more. The age difference is only about seven years. I have friends with much bigger age gaps between their partners. He will only be my professor until the end of December. Should we stop seeing each other until I pass his class?
Part of me says I should end this. But the other part of me says I have never met a man that has made me feel so good. He tells me I'm beautiful and intelligent. My last boyfriend never went to college and truly wasn't that smart. So it's nice to have an intelligent conversation with someone you like.
I have only been seeing him for about six weeks. There has been no sexual advances (He refuses to even kiss me until I let him know I am ready for that next step). He constantly tells me that if I ever feel uncomfortable, we can stop hanging out. But, I never do. We end every night together with a hug and a kiss on the cheek or forehead.
The attraction I have to him just gets bigger and bigger every time I see him. I really don't want it to stop.
--Teacher's Pet
*****************
Here's what the Guys think:
Dear T.P.,
Victor's Take:
I know I might catch some flak for this answer, but I see absolutely nothing wrong with this. Nothing. If I were in the same position, I would absolutely go for it.
I think you need to tread lightly and watch your boundaries - keep school and your personal time separate (no different than an office romance), but I say - go for it. It is hard enough in the world to find someone you click with, and have that true deep connection. Also, it sounds as if you have a very mature way of thinking about this situation and are handling it perfectly.
I say - keep on keeping on. Be careful, respect each other's space, keep school time and personal time separate... and have fun.
Life is too short....
--V
********
Ronnie's Take:
You both seem mature enough to handle this. One college course out of your life time shouldn't hold back a relationship with such great potential. In the big picture, neither of you have ill intent for the relationship, and, come December, it will be no issue anyway. No big deal here.
--Ronnie
**************
Eddie's Take:
First, I really never understood how someone under 30 even qualifies to be a college professor. Nothing against this guy, but he has plenty of life experience to gain. If I were Dean for a day, I don't even think I would consider hiring someone that would be too close to the same generation as the students. It sort of leaves too much of an opportunity for-- well, you did ask this question, right?
So, to your question-- do what you have to do. So far, both of you have handled this in an extremely mature fashion. However, the school would frown upon you hanging out at his apartment just as much as they would if you were having relations. The line has already been crossed, and he is the one that has much more at stake here.
The best thing to do is to walk on eggshells if you want to continue to hang out, but it would be best to hit the pause button until you finish his class. You don't want to get yourself into a "no pussy-- no pass" situation.
All in all, it sounds like you met a decent guy, and the age difference is not even a concern for me. Focus on your studies, pass his class, and rock his world for Christmas!
--Eddie
****************
************************************************************************
It's that time again! Here's our Special Guest for this week!
Saishokukenbi is one of our dear Myspace friends, and she is an top supporter of Ask 3 Guys. So, today, we offer a woman's perspective!
**************************************************************************
Saishokukenbi's Take:
Actually, I can answer this one from personal experience. My father was my mother's accounting professor in college. He was far older than her. Their relationship, as I'm told, did not commence until after she had graduated, but, even so apparently, some cast aspersions when the relationship became known. Sometimes, it's not so much whether there is wrongdoing, but that there is the appearance thereof. Just because there is no rule prohibiting it, doesn't mean there aren't real ethical considerations that could cost him his job, or her the chance at her education. There is nothing to say they can't date AFTER the semester is over. Better yet, perhaps she should just drop the class and take it under a different professor in a later semester. The reason this is probably the best solution is that, if she gets an "A" or any decent grade in the class, no one will ever believe she earned it. Is she prepared to live with that? Also, is what they have strong enough to survive the type of backlash that might follow? A lot of relationships aren't. And, last but not least, if this relationship is worth having, then it is worth taking the time to do it right. Why chance losing something great by cutting corners? My advice would be take a step back, clear away all the conflicts, and then you can proceed with a clear mind and heart. Now, from the dude's perspective, although he didn't ask...my answer is "ah hell no dude. What are you thinking?" There may not be a student/teacher dating policy, but I'll be willing to bet a large piece of swampland there is a sexual harassment policy. What do you think is gonna happen if she gets a bad grade, or you dump her for the next cute student. Don't go there. Now, having said that, let me conclude in a more gentile manner, with essentially the same advice. If this relationship is worth having, it's worth taking the time to do it right. Remove the conflicts before you proceed. If not, you will always have that little voice in your head telling you all the ways this could end badly.
--Saishokukenbi
*********************
I am a 21 year old college student, and I may be having an affair with my professor. It started when I saw him in the local coffee shop and asked what kind of format his exams were in (multiple choice, essay, etc.). He said he had some old exams in his office from the previous semester to help me prepare. So the following day, I went to his office, we began chatting about trivial things, like my major and college life. He is only 28 years old, single and fresh out of graduate school; we had a lot in common. Soon, we began regular study sessions at the local coffee shop (other students were included most of the time). Recently, I began spending more and more time at his apartment-- just watching tv, cooking dinner, studying, and sometimes I fell asleep there.
My college strongly discourages student-teacher relationships, but has not adopted a policy to prevent it.
I'm not receiving any favors. We definitely have established a separation between our school relationship and personal relationship. I didn't do so well on his first test, and that just made him want to help me more. The age difference is only about seven years. I have friends with much bigger age gaps between their partners. He will only be my professor until the end of December. Should we stop seeing each other until I pass his class?
Part of me says I should end this. But the other part of me says I have never met a man that has made me feel so good. He tells me I'm beautiful and intelligent. My last boyfriend never went to college and truly wasn't that smart. So it's nice to have an intelligent conversation with someone you like.
I have only been seeing him for about six weeks. There has been no sexual advances (He refuses to even kiss me until I let him know I am ready for that next step). He constantly tells me that if I ever feel uncomfortable, we can stop hanging out. But, I never do. We end every night together with a hug and a kiss on the cheek or forehead.
The attraction I have to him just gets bigger and bigger every time I see him. I really don't want it to stop.
--Teacher's Pet
*****************
Here's what the Guys think:
Dear T.P.,
Victor's Take:
I know I might catch some flak for this answer, but I see absolutely nothing wrong with this. Nothing. If I were in the same position, I would absolutely go for it.
I think you need to tread lightly and watch your boundaries - keep school and your personal time separate (no different than an office romance), but I say - go for it. It is hard enough in the world to find someone you click with, and have that true deep connection. Also, it sounds as if you have a very mature way of thinking about this situation and are handling it perfectly.
I say - keep on keeping on. Be careful, respect each other's space, keep school time and personal time separate... and have fun.
Life is too short....
--V
********
Ronnie's Take:
You both seem mature enough to handle this. One college course out of your life time shouldn't hold back a relationship with such great potential. In the big picture, neither of you have ill intent for the relationship, and, come December, it will be no issue anyway. No big deal here.
--Ronnie
**************
Eddie's Take:
First, I really never understood how someone under 30 even qualifies to be a college professor. Nothing against this guy, but he has plenty of life experience to gain. If I were Dean for a day, I don't even think I would consider hiring someone that would be too close to the same generation as the students. It sort of leaves too much of an opportunity for-- well, you did ask this question, right?
So, to your question-- do what you have to do. So far, both of you have handled this in an extremely mature fashion. However, the school would frown upon you hanging out at his apartment just as much as they would if you were having relations. The line has already been crossed, and he is the one that has much more at stake here.
The best thing to do is to walk on eggshells if you want to continue to hang out, but it would be best to hit the pause button until you finish his class. You don't want to get yourself into a "no pussy-- no pass" situation.
All in all, it sounds like you met a decent guy, and the age difference is not even a concern for me. Focus on your studies, pass his class, and rock his world for Christmas!
--Eddie
****************
************************************************************************
It's that time again! Here's our Special Guest for this week!
Saishokukenbi is one of our dear Myspace friends, and she is an top supporter of Ask 3 Guys. So, today, we offer a woman's perspective!
**************************************************************************
Saishokukenbi's Take:
Actually, I can answer this one from personal experience. My father was my mother's accounting professor in college. He was far older than her. Their relationship, as I'm told, did not commence until after she had graduated, but, even so apparently, some cast aspersions when the relationship became known. Sometimes, it's not so much whether there is wrongdoing, but that there is the appearance thereof. Just because there is no rule prohibiting it, doesn't mean there aren't real ethical considerations that could cost him his job, or her the chance at her education. There is nothing to say they can't date AFTER the semester is over. Better yet, perhaps she should just drop the class and take it under a different professor in a later semester. The reason this is probably the best solution is that, if she gets an "A" or any decent grade in the class, no one will ever believe she earned it. Is she prepared to live with that? Also, is what they have strong enough to survive the type of backlash that might follow? A lot of relationships aren't. And, last but not least, if this relationship is worth having, then it is worth taking the time to do it right. Why chance losing something great by cutting corners? My advice would be take a step back, clear away all the conflicts, and then you can proceed with a clear mind and heart. Now, from the dude's perspective, although he didn't ask...my answer is "ah hell no dude. What are you thinking?" There may not be a student/teacher dating policy, but I'll be willing to bet a large piece of swampland there is a sexual harassment policy. What do you think is gonna happen if she gets a bad grade, or you dump her for the next cute student. Don't go there. Now, having said that, let me conclude in a more gentile manner, with essentially the same advice. If this relationship is worth having, it's worth taking the time to do it right. Remove the conflicts before you proceed. If not, you will always have that little voice in your head telling you all the ways this could end badly.
--Saishokukenbi
*********************
Friday, September 11, 2009
Am I Just Being Too Picky?
Dear Ask 3 Guys,
Ok guys, its been quite some time since I last asked for advice, but I have another question for you.
I'll have to start by saying a little about myself, so you can understand the situation a bit better.
I demand perfection in absolutely everything. I am very critical-- quite possibly the hardest person anyone could make friends or have a relationship with, because I find every fault there is that exists. I point things out and expect change, and I am just as ruthless with myself.
Last year, I came across someone with everything I'd say was perfection:
She's passionate, gorgeous, mysterious, magnetic, loyal and we've made really good friends.
Now, here comes the problem-- She talks openly about sex. She's just so vulgar and dirty, which, to be honest, really gets on my tits. I don't mind it in private, but she just talks about it casually to anyone, as if there's nothing wrong. I just cringe inside constantly at it. Is there any need. Aren't some things just better left not talking about? I mean, sometimes, I have my kinky moments, but I tend to keep that side to my private life. It just all seems a bit sick.
Advice Guys-- what do I do? Because, I don't want to end things. If anything, I want to take things further, but I don't get the impression she's going to change if i mention my dissatisfaction.
I've never met someone with so much charm, and so much to like, so I definitely want to make this work-- no matter what it takes...
--Picky Nick
****************
Dear Picky Nick,
Ronnie's Take:
First, only you can control how you feel. What makes you right about the appropriate way to talk about sex? That is a personal feeling. There is no right or wrong. Until you learn about compromise, you will never make a relationship work. How would you feel if she was to say "Nick, I can't believe how insecure you are about talking openly about sex"? See my point?
Remember the 80-20 rule. Does she make you happy 80% of the time?
If so, move forward. If not, move on.
--Ronnie
-------------------
Victor's Take:
People change for themselves, rarely, if ever, for anyone else. Communicate - share with her that her open and frank talk in public about sex bothers you.
If she changes, she will do it on her own accord. Don't force her to change.
Doing so will only create resentment, and my man, resentment is the #1 Relationship killer.
Good luck...
--Victor
-----------------
Eddie's Take:
First, I want to take a moment to address your obsession with perfection. You will continue to be let down for the rest of your life if you do not get over it right now. I used to be the same way. You could show me a million-light Vegas strip display, and I would comment about the two bulbs that were burned out. In relationships, I would always nit-pick over the most trivial details. A girl's laugh, the way she smiled, etc. I was kind of like Eddie Murphy on Boomerang. One day, you will learn to value people for who they are. Because-- let's face it-- none of us are perfect.
Relationships are all about compromise and toleration. We compromise to please our significant others, and we learn to tolerate the things that they can't control.
So, for the open talk about sex-- just let her know how you feel. Ask her, when you are alone of course, if she could tone it down a tad. Just be honest with her. Let her know that sex is a private part of your life, and you choose to keep it that way. If it continues, either let her go, or learn to tolerate it. Also, try getting her to agree on a signal you can give her when you are feeling uncomfortable. It may sound corny, but it works for some couples. When she gets on a sex-talk tangent, give her the nod, and it will bring her back.
Best of luck to you.
--Eddie
---------------
Ok guys, its been quite some time since I last asked for advice, but I have another question for you.
I'll have to start by saying a little about myself, so you can understand the situation a bit better.
I demand perfection in absolutely everything. I am very critical-- quite possibly the hardest person anyone could make friends or have a relationship with, because I find every fault there is that exists. I point things out and expect change, and I am just as ruthless with myself.
Last year, I came across someone with everything I'd say was perfection:
She's passionate, gorgeous, mysterious, magnetic, loyal and we've made really good friends.
Now, here comes the problem-- She talks openly about sex. She's just so vulgar and dirty, which, to be honest, really gets on my tits. I don't mind it in private, but she just talks about it casually to anyone, as if there's nothing wrong. I just cringe inside constantly at it. Is there any need. Aren't some things just better left not talking about? I mean, sometimes, I have my kinky moments, but I tend to keep that side to my private life. It just all seems a bit sick.
Advice Guys-- what do I do? Because, I don't want to end things. If anything, I want to take things further, but I don't get the impression she's going to change if i mention my dissatisfaction.
I've never met someone with so much charm, and so much to like, so I definitely want to make this work-- no matter what it takes...
--Picky Nick
****************
Dear Picky Nick,
Ronnie's Take:
First, only you can control how you feel. What makes you right about the appropriate way to talk about sex? That is a personal feeling. There is no right or wrong. Until you learn about compromise, you will never make a relationship work. How would you feel if she was to say "Nick, I can't believe how insecure you are about talking openly about sex"? See my point?
Remember the 80-20 rule. Does she make you happy 80% of the time?
If so, move forward. If not, move on.
--Ronnie
-------------------
Victor's Take:
People change for themselves, rarely, if ever, for anyone else. Communicate - share with her that her open and frank talk in public about sex bothers you.
If she changes, she will do it on her own accord. Don't force her to change.
Doing so will only create resentment, and my man, resentment is the #1 Relationship killer.
Good luck...
--Victor
-----------------
Eddie's Take:
First, I want to take a moment to address your obsession with perfection. You will continue to be let down for the rest of your life if you do not get over it right now. I used to be the same way. You could show me a million-light Vegas strip display, and I would comment about the two bulbs that were burned out. In relationships, I would always nit-pick over the most trivial details. A girl's laugh, the way she smiled, etc. I was kind of like Eddie Murphy on Boomerang. One day, you will learn to value people for who they are. Because-- let's face it-- none of us are perfect.
Relationships are all about compromise and toleration. We compromise to please our significant others, and we learn to tolerate the things that they can't control.
So, for the open talk about sex-- just let her know how you feel. Ask her, when you are alone of course, if she could tone it down a tad. Just be honest with her. Let her know that sex is a private part of your life, and you choose to keep it that way. If it continues, either let her go, or learn to tolerate it. Also, try getting her to agree on a signal you can give her when you are feeling uncomfortable. It may sound corny, but it works for some couples. When she gets on a sex-talk tangent, give her the nod, and it will bring her back.
Best of luck to you.
--Eddie
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