So I'm a Widow-- what's the big deal?

Dear Ask 3 Guys,

Why do men get all weirded out about me being widowed? I am a 39 year old widow who really would like to find a nice guy. I asked a male friend of mine and he said it was because they/he thought he would be haunted by my late husband. I think he's full of it. I have been widowed for 14 years, so its not a new thing. HELP!

--Black Widow
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Dear Black Widow,

Ronnie's Take:

Yes... he's full of it. 14yrs and no success with boyfriends might tell a different tale. Review your actions, but first and foremost, make sure your okay being single the rest of your life. When you lose the need for a boyfriend, and become happy single, I find it makes girls more attractive. It takes the pressure off.

--Ronnie
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Victor's Take:

Haunted? That's a load of crap! (Pardon my French)...

39 year old widows are not something that anyone (man or woman) is use to handling or dealing with. People have a natural aversion to things that they don't understand or that make them uncomfortable.

I dated a widow - much younger than you. I had no problem with it, although I found out later - she did. She had still not dealt completely with the death of her husband and moved past it. Her ability to have a relationship going forward is going to be challenged.

Are you past it? If not, maybe you need to talk to someone. If you are, then maybe you are attracting certain types of men that have the inability to handle this. You might want to try fishing in a different pond.

Haunted? No way - that's just a cop out.

Good luck to you.

--Victor
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Eddie's Take:

The bottom line question is-- are your over the death of your husband? If you are still carrying baggage, then you already are putting up a wall between you and future boyfriends. I would think that it would be a bit weird if the husband recently passed away. Going to a woman's house that had pictures of her dead husband up would be slightly creepy.

In your case, many years have passed. So, don't think that you are never going to meet someone because of this. That was a chapter in your life, and people have to understand that there is more to your book of life. Focus on being who you are. If you are not sure who that is-- find out. The key to finding a genuine connection with someone is simply being yourself. Get out an explore new things. Don't weigh happiness on the ability to find a mate. There are so many other things that you can find enjoyment in. A happy, confident woman, that knows who she is, is a sexy thing-- widow or not!

--Eddie
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