My girl has a webcam rendezvous with my friend.

Dear Ask 3 Guys,

I'm feeling a little uncomfortable and confused; I don't really want to put any friends into an awkward position by talking to them about it, so am hoping writing to you all will help ease my mind.

Ok, well my girlfriend and I have been together for 3 years - we visit any chance we get, but the majority of the time I am away at school in Europe and she is in America; however, we do plan on her moving to Europe with me at the end of summer. Anyway, the last time she visited me in Europe she ended up really connecting with my friends there - which I loved! But I am not loving how close she is getting with one friend in particular... call me what you will, but I suspected a little crush on both sides forming - even if only over IM - so next time I visited her I "accidentally" came across their chat logs and was confirmed correct... It stays pretty tame, but there is blatant flirting between them both, and it saddens me to know now that little things like falling asleep on webcam isn't only shared with me, but with my friend as well.... it sounds stupid, but when we're apart, it's one of the few things we have together...

I have to admit that although there is some big time flirting, she has reiterated over and over her love and loyalty for me to both the friend and myself when I hint to her that I am not comfortable somehow... but nevertheless I'm really uncomfortable with all this, especially since my girl's track record in her past relationships/cheating isn't exactly pristine... and though we still won't be very close to said friend when the girlfriend moves, we'll be closer...
Should I be ashamed that I snooped a bit? Should I tell her what I saw? How do I bring it up?

Thanks guys,
Uncomfortable
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Dear Uncomfortable,

Victor's Take:

I'm sure there will be varying opinions on the answering of this question. I am not a snooper. I never have been and never will be. When I get to the point in any relationship where I feel like I have to check e-mail, cell phones, etc. the relationship for me is already over. I won't accidentally check anything. It seems that you girlfriend shared her past with you and this past behavior caused you to accidentally check her instant message log.

For me this clearly shows that there are trust issues in the relationship.

Until you can get these issues resolved, even if she moves - you are still going to have questions. The damage is already done. I would share with her what you have done and explain to our that things like falling asleep on the WebCam are sensitive to you. I'm guessing that she probably doesn't even know that and that if you had shared it with her in the past, that may be a line that she wouldn't have crossed. The fact that you have asked the question shows me that this is bothering you and is not something that you can just let go. You need to bring up with her; remember that the first couple of words are always the hardest. After that they come out pretty easy. It sounds like you have some serious feelings for this girl - I hope it works out for you.

--Victor
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Ronnie's Take:

Snooping is never an issue unless the other person is hiding something. Understanding her relationship/friendship is important to you. Trust issues are always tough to over come. You either trust her or move on. The first sentence is always the toughest. Admit the snooping and explain why. Get the communication going. A male friend is okay if you can trust her and him. That will be your call.

--Ronnie
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Eddie's Take:

First, you need to check your homeboy. What kind of friend is going to entertain escapades with your girl. I would put him in his place immediately. He is wrong, and she is wrong.

Then, I would let her know what you saw. The bottom line is that if you two expect to have a fruitful relationship, then trust and honesty must be present. Sure, she will be upset because you read it, but it is reality now. The guilty will always get pissed off when they are busted.

I think it is bull. If she is so in love with you, she would never do something like that behind your back. I think I would give him a quick slap to the face, and, for her--- a swift kick to the curb.

Good luck.

--Eddie
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