Teenage sex... (What's a mom to do?)

Dear Ask 3 Guys,

Is giving a teen birth control telling them you approve of pre-marital sex?

--Mixed Emotions
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Dear Mixed Emotions,

Victor's Take:

No, thanks for your question.

Much like a romantic relationship, a healthy relationship with your children boils down to one thing - COMMUNICATION!

To think that teenagers are not going to have sex is downright naive. To think that you could not affect your child's outcomes and decision making through communication is equally stupid.

If my daughter was having sex, would I want to know about it and have her on the pill - absolutely! Would I be happy about it? HELL TO THE NO!!!!

But, to know and affect the outcome versus not knowing at all? I'll take the former, thank you very much - no matter how painful it might be. Show me a child that has honest communication with his/her parents, and 75% of the time - I'll show you a success story. I'll take those odds.

--Victor
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Ronnie's Take:

Whether you give them birth control or not will have no bearing on whether they become sexually active. It didn't when I was young. Other forms of protection are used or no protection at all. My 16yr daughter is on birth control and it opened up a wealth of open communication of the things going on in her life. I told my daughter if she tells me everything she is going to do(and yes they know their plans) I wouldn't punish her. She has told me when she drinks, smokes weed, started sex and has tried "x". It was hard, but she reminded me that ALL of her friends are sneaking around doing it. This allows me to have open conversation about these issues with her on many occasions. This leads to me being able to educate her on these issues and give advice. It works well.

--Ronnie
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Eddie's Take:

In today's society, it would be gullible of you to think that your child will not have sex in their teenage years. According to the Guttmacher Institute, "46% of American teens between 15 and 19 years old have had sex at least once". I would be willing to bet that the number is much higher than that. You cannot convince that all teens surveyed were absolutely honest. So, I would, at least, tack on another 10 percent to that. At any rate, half of the kids in high school have had sex. What is scary is that the ages are dropping with each generation. My eleven year old has already had sexual conversations with his friends. What is the world coming to?

So, for your question, I would suggest that you take the safe route. If she has asked about birth control, then she already has intentions. Control a menstrual cycle or whatever she might suggest... that's BS... it is all about sex. It is kind of like carrying a gun. It is not like you plan on using it, but it is better to have it and not need it than to need it and not have it. You can still express your views on pre-maritial sex, but this is a means of being safe. I would also explain the importance of condoms to control the risk of STDs.

The bottom line is that they will figure out a way to experiment with sex if they want to. Unless you invest in a chastity belt or a GPS chip, there is not way to control it. By saying yes to the pill, at least you can sleep well... knowing that you are not going to be a grandmother.

Best of luck.

P.S. Visit http://www.guttmacher.org/pubs/fb_ATSRH.html for more information on teenage sex statistics.

--Eddie
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