What am I doing wrong?

Dear Ask 3 Guys,

I am a 28 year old single female. I have no kids, I own two cars, educated and continuing my education. I am drama free, willing to try anything, easily amused, work full time with my own place, but I am very independent and know what I want in a man. I won't date any men with kids, they have to hold down a job, have their own place, and be motivated to succeed. I was recently told by a complete stranger that the reason I am single is because I expect too much when it comes to men, but I think what I am looking for is very realistic and doable. Could my standards be too high and the cause for me to be single or is it something else? Thanks Ask 3 Guys I appreciate the help.

--Lonely Girl
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Dear Lonely Girl,

Victor's Take:

Albert Einstein once said, "the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result". I don't think the things which you are looking for are unobtainable, but at 28 years old if you're eliminating every man that has children, you are eliminating a major portion of the population. You say he needs to have a job, but what if he works at McDonald's? My father passed away in 2006 from Parkinson's disease. My mother was insistent on staying in this house. From a financial standpoint, it was not possible. I moved in to help out and today she is happy to be in her house. There is some irony in the situation as I sleep in the master bedroom and my mother sleeps in my childhood bedroom. Would I automatically be eliminated from the list? My guess is that you are meeting a lot of men that do fall within your parameters, but for whatever reason you are not closing the deal. To answer your question yes I think it is the something else. I would look at other aspects of your life. Also, I would consider where you are meeting these men that do not meet your standards. Do something different - go to new places, try new restaurants, take a different course of action... What if you met the man of your dreams and he was a teacher that makes $22,000 a year and has a two-year-old son? He is the perfect man in every other way, but his salary/status and his son preclude him from your list? Whose loss would be?

I'll leave you with this: try and keep an open mind and don't worry so much about your list. I wish you nothing but the best in your search for the perfect man.

--Victor
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Ronnie's Take:

Having standards are good, but you are limiting your pool by your guidelines. Good people and good guys can go through hard times and have kids. Be open to listening to what they have to say before you rule them out. Be secure in the person you are and being single. This allows you to expect the best from a man and that's okay. You might be single for a long time and that's okay .

--Ronnie
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Eddie's Take:

Here's the quick and dirty--- STOP TRYING!

Guess what? The knight in shining armour is not out there. Relationships are all about compatibility and flexibility. Do you think there is actually a guy out there that has painted a picture of the perfect woman, and everything about her just happens to be you? I highly doubt it. You have you quirks and issues just like anyone else. We are all human.

I chased the dragon in regard to finding Ms. Right for well over a decade. I was the pickiest of the picky, and though I dated many, none of them ever lasted. When I started dating based on emotion, rather than comparing the woman to a fairytale-world mold, that is when things started falling into place.

You can't tell your heart who to love--- it just happens. I love my wife dearly, and I wouldn't have it any other way. But, do you think that it is an on-going romantic novel? Not quite... hence, the need for flexibility.

You'll find someone that you just enjoy spending time with. Maybe he will have a kid. Is that a deal-breaker? If you constantly set such high standards, you are going to be traveling down a long road. I'm not saying do not have any standards, but be realistic.

Finally, just stop looking. There is nothing more attractive than a confident woman that is living her life, and she knows who she is. Find out who you are. Develop your self. The rest will come.

Best of luck to you.

P.S. Just an FYI... My wife would be the first to tell you that I was hardly the man I am today over ten years ago. People change. We grow. I don't think she would have even considered marrying me in my younger days.

--Eddie