Is he a Dirty Bird???

Dear Ask 3 Guys,

I've been dating my guy for 16 months. I'm very much in love with him. He lives about 80 miles away, but works in my area. He treats me quite well, and we get along famously. He usually stays over a few nights a week. He's 49 and so am I. We both have grown children that are doing well, and we have successful careers.

Here's my issue; I've NEVER seen where he lives. I know he isn't married. He has a home phone, and I've called it numerous times. I think his house is probably VERY dirty, and I'm pretty sure he's a bit of a hoarder. The reason I've come to these conclusions is that he's told me that there are 2 scuba tanks in his living room. He collects iron skillets, and has about 150 of them! He's also said that his hall is so filled up that you have to walk sideways to enter the bedroom.

I'm pretty neat and my place is usually very clean. We have some other fundamental differences as well. He's an over the top conservative, (Hannity, Limbaugh, etc). I'm a moderate liberal. I really don't think that matters in the scheme of things, but the issue of not seeing where he lives is kind of getting to me. When I mention it, he says he's still cleaning up around there.

To be perfectly honest, I don't really care to see it. I'm afraid if I do, I'll feel differently about him. If it's REALLY, REALLY bad, it might make me think twice.

What do you guys think? Do we have a chance??

--Dirty Bird
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Dear Dirty Bird,

Victor's Take:

Here's my question for you: do you ever see a time in the near future where you guys are going to be living together? If you have no plans to live together anytime soon, what's the problem? As far as your political views are concerned, there are many instances of relationships between people who have differing political views. I wouldn't let that stop you.

I guess I'm trying to say here is: where do you see yourself with this man six months to a year? I've been on dates before with women and gotten back to their houses or apartments and been appalled by their living conditions-meaning the filthiness of their places. It reminds me of the episode of friends where Ross is dating the girl and her apartment is a atrocious.

You are never going to change him but maybe a little bit of you might rub off on him and give the man the impetus he needs to get his place in order.
I would reiterate with him that it is important for you to see his place (clearly this is bothering you) and that you would like to do it sooner rather than later. Again, much of this is based on what your intentions are going forward. If you just want to continue to date, I would be inclined to push the issue and draw a line in the sand. If however you are ready to escalate things a notch in your relationship, then maybe it is time to push the button.

Maybe, just maybe he's been waiting for someone to come along to help him get his house in order. The key is this: let him ask you for the help, do not force it upon him.

I wish you all the best...

--Victor
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Ronnie's Take:

If you are just looking for casual dating, and enjoy his company, then don't press the issue (it just doesn't matter that much). If you are thinking long-term, then it would be a must for me. I'm not a clean freak, but I'm probably an 8 of 10 on being clean. A 6 or less would be a deal breaker for me, I take too much pride in myself for that. What does that say about him? Remember the big picture to enjoy life, and if it ain't broke don't fix it.

--Ronnie
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Eddie's Take:

Well, in a way, I can kind of relate to this guy. I am not dirty, but I am messy. My wife gets so fed up with my clutter... especially when I have 15 pairs of shoes stacked up in the corner of the bedroom. I have never been one to leave food or nasty stuff around, but I just accumulate a mess everywhere... my desk at home, my desk at work, my night stand, the garage... you name it... I am just very unorganized. So, he may be like that. You can fix that. It is hard to fix dirty though.

So, give him a visit. If clutter is his problem, then offer to help him organize things. If it is dirty and smells like ass, then you better run. Most likely, he would be a dirty guy if his home was dirty. So, does he smell bad? Does he take care of his teeth? Are his clothes fresh? If he seems clean, you just might be dealing with a messy guy... which is okay! (That's what women are for...lol)

--Eddie
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