Guys are just not interested in me!

Dear Ask 3 Guys,

Hi there. I just need general help on maybe the most basic of all human instincts. I'm almost 20 now, and I've still not yet had a boyfriend, only rejections. I'm beginning to think that there's no one out there whom I like who likes ME back. I'm not exactly the slimmest spoon in the pack, but I'm not exactly huge either. I've only asked out 2 guys in the past 5 or so years, and they've both said no. One even went that far as to tell me that I was too fat and too ugly for him.

Anyway, another question would be that.. one guy I'm hoping to meet someday, how would I get his attention and look different than other women he's met and actually make an impact and keep him on his mind and maybe potentially get his number?

Companionless
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Dear Companionless,

Ronnie's Take:

Well, you are still young and finding yourself. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing each day and expecting a different result. I can't tell you what it is. I have never seen you interact. Ask a friend for a true evaluation. Ask them "what do you think I could do differently to be more attractive?" That's hard for most friends to be honest, but you must lead them by promising you won't be mad. You mustn't argue, no matter what the answer is. Listen to what they (get more than 1 opinion) say. Guys like a girl that smiles and has a fun personality. Don't talk too much. Next time you're interested in a guy try saying "why don't you ever call me?" It gives you a little flexibility. Physical attraction is important at the beginning. Try something different-- IT CAN'T HURT. New hairstyle, lose weight, different types of shirts etc.

--Ronnie


Eddie's Take:

First of all, don't throw yourself a pity party. Remember, I am the analytical guy, and when you say you did something twice in 5 years, it means nothing at all to me. You cannot make any predictions, because your data set is entirely too small. Meeting people is very similar to being in sales. In a previous life, I was a door-to-door salesman (I know... what a job). In our morning pep talks, the boss would always talk about the law of averages. He would convince us that we would sell up to 10% of the people that we pitched, so we could make more money if we saw more people. When someone told me "no", I knew I was that much closer to the next sale.

Next, don't worry about figuring out how to get every guy you like to be into you. I know guys that do that, and they are okay with the rejection. I had a friend that asked out every girl he met. I couldn't believe how much rejection he encountered, but it never phased him.

The best thing that you can do is become strong and independent. Don't think you need a man to make you. Figure out what makes you happy as a person, then just get out there and live your life. In the process, you are going to meet people, make friends, and, eventually, start dating. Try taking a Pilate's class or a yoga class. This will be something good for your health, plus it will give you an opportunity to make friends. The more people you are around the better. Just focus on being yourself, and if you project a positive self-image, then you will become much more attractive.

Best of luck. Keep us posted on your progress.

--Eddie


Victor's Take

Before I answer your question, I want to share a little bit of my experience with you.

I didn't kiss my first girl until I was 15 years old. I didn't lose my virginity until I was 19, almost 20. In grammar school and most of high school, I was a shy quiet kid who was deathly afraid of approaching a girl.
I didn't really come out of my shell until I was about 25, and even then I still had work to do. The big light switch didn't go off for me until I was almost 34...

I'm not saying you are going to have to wait until you are 25 or 34. I want you to relax and just be yourself. I promise you, someone is going to notice. There is a saying in the car business - "There is an ass for every seat". People are the same way.

I promise you there are guys out there that are currently interested in you or will be interested in you in the near future. Keep your eyes, ears and brain open to new possibilities. Don't try hard - just be yourself. Guys can sense when you are pressing. Continue to work on yourself and your mental and physical health, and everything else will take care of itself.

I sense that because you were told no twice in the last 5 years, that has negatively affected you psyche. I get told no twice a week! Just remember, most of the time a no is not personal and you shouldn't take it that way.
The person maybe involved already. Or, the person may not be dating for whatever reason at that time. Don't take it personal. Say, "no problem".
Turn around, don't look back, and move on to the next one.

Be sure to keep a look out for the "10 things every women should know"... it will be coming soon on the A3G site.

Good luck!

--Victor