Sex While Sleeping

Dear Ask 3 Guys,

I have a friend whose husband was caught having sex with her while she was asleep. It even involved sex toys. He says he doesn't remember doing anything, and he has no idea how the dildo got out of the draw.

My question to you is how do guys have sex in their sleep?

How did the dildo get out of the dresser to become involved?

How does someone who has sex not remember doing so or how toys were involved?
Please explain that to me because it seems kind of strange that his penis ended up inside of her and her toy was out and being used, and he doesn't remember any of that.

Yours Truly

Counting Sheep
**************

Dear Counting Sheep,

Ronnie's Take:

Sleep disorders come in many forms. The good news is you can test for them. Sleep disorders like sleep walking are very dangerous and should get immediate medical treatment. How many times as this happened? What would he gain from faking it? I would assume unless drugs or alcohol are involved, a woman can't sleep through sex. He would know this.

Sleepsex: A newly-discovered sleep

"It is likely that this sort of thing has been going on for as long as people have been bedding down next to one another. Akin to any number of private sexual oddities, the likes of which nowadays ultimately become communal knowledge, sexual behavior during sleep (SBS), or to use the more convenient neologisms sleepsex; or sleep sex (the jury is still out on what exactly to call it) has remained hidden--unspoken of--until now. "

"Recently, sleepsex has proven to be a popular topic for magazine articles "Her Boyfriend Did a Shocking Thing in His Sleep. Could Yours?", (Cosmopolitan, 1/02) and television news shows UPN 13, Los Angeles, broadcast February 14, 2002). A new Stanford-based scientific study on the treatment of violent sleepsex released to the press on March 26th has generated additional media interest and hopefully has advanced awareness of this unusual sleep problem. "(www.sleepsex.org/text/newstudy.html )

"Where can people with sleepsex experiences find information and support?
Until only recently, information about sleepsex had been very difficult to find. Now a query of most any popular Web search engine yields more links to information than ever before. The Web site (www.sleepsex.org ) was established in April 2000 to provide information about, and a forum for the discussion of, sleepsex. A newsletter that provides monthly updates on research and issues surrounding sexual behavior during sleep was recently added to this site. Forums accessible on the popular sleep site (www.sleepnet.com ) also have a substantial number of threads concerning sleepsex. Lastly, persons troubled by sleepsex should seek information from healthcare providers with knowledge of the problem, and support can (hopefully) always be found by confiding in trusted and caring family members and friends."

References:
Alves, R., Aloe, F. Tavares, S. (1999). Sexual behavior in sleep, sleepwalking, and possible REM behavior disorder: A case report. Sleep Research Online 2(3). 71-72. Available: www.sro.org/pdf/2558.pdf

Rosenfeld, D. S., Elhajjar, A. J. (1998). Sleepsex: A variant of sleepwalking. Archives of Sexual Behavior, 27(3), 269-278.

Shapiro, C.M., Fedoroff, J.P., Trajanovic, N.N. (1996). Sexual behavior in sleep: A newly described parasomnia. Sleep Research, 25, 367.

Source: Michael Mangan, Ph.D, www.sleepsex.org/text/bio.html

--Ronnie

Victor's Take:

On the surface, this looks very odd to say the least. There are, however, a number of possible explanations for this behavior.

Here are three: sleep medications, sleep disorders, and psychological disorders.

There are numerous reported cases of weird behavior - sleep walking, sleep driving, sleep eating, etc. on sleep medications like Ambien.

There are many sleep disorders that could account for atypical sexual behavior.

Lastly, there could be underlying psychological issues that are causing this behavior although in the research that I saw, the behavior was to one's self (masturbation) most of the time.

I would recommend immediate medical attention. He needs to have tests done which may include sending him to a sleep center, change his medication, etc.

If that does not solve the issue, then he should seek the counsel of a mental health professional.

I hope this helps.

--Victor

Eddie's Take:

I can say that I have woken up very horny in the middle of the night, which resulted in fondling my wife while she was asleep. I have actually gone down on her while she was sleeping. However, I was wide awake, and, if I must say, she enjoyed the pleasant wake-up call. It just seems hard to fathom that this guy was totally oblivious to the entire act. However, I am no expert on sleep disorders. I've had the occasionally sleep walking episode as a child, which ended with me attempting to urinate on my mother's stereo. Apparently, this behavior is pretty common among children...

"Approximately 15% of children between 4-12 years of age will experience sleepwalking. Generally sleepwalking behaviors are resolved by late adolescence; however, approximately 10% of all sleepwalkers begin their behavior as teens." (eMedicine Health)

"There are five stages of sleep. Stages 1, 2, 3, and 4 are characterized as non-rapid eye movement (NREM) sleep. REM (rapid eye movement) sleep is the sleep cycle associated with dreaming as well as surges of important hormones essential for proper growth and metabolism. Each sleep cycle (stages 1,2,3,4, and REM) lasts about 90-100 minutes and repeats throughout the night. Thus the average person experiences 4-5 complete sleep cycles per night. Sleepwalking characteristically occurs during the first or second sleep cycle during stages 3 and 4. Due to the short time frame involved, sleepwalking tends not to occur during naps. Upon waking, the sleepwalker has no memory of his behaviors. " (eMedicine Health)

Note the last sentence-- they have no memory of their behaviors.

Could the same be true for sleep sex? Could be... Will have to research this more.

It is obvious that men can be aroused during their sleep, which, in the most extreme case, is following by a nocturnal emission (wet dream). So, could have this guy been in a state of lucidity? I am going to say that it is definitely plausible. (just strange)

--Eddie