My boyfriend is jealous of my friend

Dear Ask 3 Guys,

I am 44 and my boyfriend is 29, we get along great except for one thing. My best friend is a guy that I have worked with for over 10 years, and I have only been with my boyfriend for 6 months. He claims not to be jealous, but I think he is. How do I convince him that I am not interested in my best friend/co worker? The 3 of us go out a lot together and he sees how we are with each other (friends only) What do I do???

Trying to Please
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Dear Trying to Please,

Ronnie's Take:

He's insecure and jealous-- two bad signs. I would give him one last option. Reiterate your feelings towards your work friend. If you had anything going on with him you wouldn't be dating somebody else. Tell him you want to keep that friendship, and make him feel comfortable with it and secure with the relationship you have. Ask him what would he like you to do so he knows nothing is going on. You could be an open book and allow him to read your texts or emails anytime and give him the password. That's a lot of work, but does work if you want it to work out. If your not that open, it's time to move on

--Ronnie

Victor's Take

You cannot convince him, nor frankly is it your job to (man am I going to catch some heat for that - the truth hurts). Although it is true that jealousy can come from past behavior, I'm going to assume that you are being truthful in this venue and have not done anything that would give your boyfriend the idea that you have crossed the line. Most of the time, jealous behavior has roots that stem from insecurity, self esteem, self confidence issues. My guess is, that during the dating / courting phase you may have seen some of these signs but chose to ignore them. You probably thought you could fix him or him - himself. Wrong.

You are including your boyfriend in your time with your friend and he sees that you are just friends. What more can you do? Nothing.

You have three choices: One, live with the behavior (jealousy) and deal with it; maybe it is not that bad and is tolerable, although it will get worse.

Two, tell your best friend of 10 years to take a hike.

Three, break up with the boyfriend so that he can get himself and his shit together. For me, this is a NO BRAINER of a decision. I'll take option #3 please.

I wish you good luck.

--Victor

Eddie's Take:

Here's what I think. There may be things that you say about the friend that make your boyfriend feel like he is not number one on your list. A man does not want to be outdone by another guy in the eyes of his girl. You may not even be aware of this, but you may talk about how good your friend is at this, or how he can do that. Your boyfriend could be a little intimidated if he is weaker in those areas. You probably love your friend dearly, and I am sure you talk about him a lot. So, maybe you can tone it down a little. Make your man feel like he is the top priority. If you and the friend are really close, you may talk to him more like one of your girlfriends. This level of intimacy probably makes your boyfriend feel a little left out. If that is the case, just try to be considerate of your behavior when you boyfriend is around. Understand that your friend is a man, and, sometimes, your behavior towards him could possibly be misconstrued by your boyfriend.

So, just fill your boyfriend's bucket a bit more. Remind him that he is number one-- not just by telling him, but with your actions.

Good Luck!

--Eddie