FWB? But I want more than that!

Dear Ask 3 Guys,

Ok so about a year ago I started kicking it with an old friend of mine. Its like a friends with benefits thing. Well, I started to have feelings for him. He's not the type of guy to be tied down to one person. He has been so hurt by his ex's that I don't think he will ever trust a female again. He moved in with me until he could get back on his feet, and I think my feelings have become stronger for him. I'm really not sure what I
should do. I have love and respect for him as he does for me.

More than a friend
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Dear More than a friend,

Ronnie's Take,

This is a common problem with friends with benefits. Friends, isn't that what our bf/gf or husband/wife should be? T hat's the problem a perfect spouse is one who is your friend first. The problem friends with benefits has is it's for people not looking to have a relationship supposedly. Next you must be honest, which should be easy to do if you are truly friends, about how you feel and ask his opinion. Remember the first sentence is the hardest. Practice it and the rest of the conversation will go easy. Also you must be ready to accept he doesn't want the same things as you from the relationship. Make sure he understands you can handle the truth about his feelings.

--Ronnie
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Victor's Take:

90% of people cannot handle the friends with benefits situation because they cannot separate sex and emotion. I know that I have said this over and over again, but I will continue to shout at the rain until people start listening.

I think you should be honest - share with him that you have developed strong feelings for him. One of two things are going to happen.

1) You are going to scare him away and he will run. At first, you will be sad and upset. But, in the long run you will get what you are really looking for - an emotional connection that you are not getting right now.

2) He might have reciprocal feelings for you and, in that case, I suggest you run with it.

I hope it works out for you.

--Victor
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Eddie's Take:

Friends with benefits.... hmmm. I have always been a bit leery about that concept. When I was single, FWB just meant that I knew I could hook up whenever I wanted. What's the right balance. Should the friendship outweigh the benefits, or vice versa?

I just think that women have a difficult time keeping their emotions out of it. Ladies think with their hearts. It has always been that way. Guys, of course, think with their penises. So, if you are giving, of course he is going to be taking.

If you like this guy, stop giving him sex until you can get this sorted out. Each time he penetrates you, your connection to him will grow stronger. Apparently, FWB is not your cup of tea. You are not alone, as Victor stated, there is only a small percentage of people that can make that work.

So, chose a friendship or take steps to turn it into something more. Right now, you are letting him live the perfect fantasy. So, keep your legs closed and your eyes opened. He may be wanting the same thing.

--Eddie