How do I avoid hurting a girl?

Dear Ask 3 Guys,

Ok so I have myself in a situation I did not want to put myself in. I have been going out with this girl, and we have been having a lot of fun. She has a kid, lives 1.5 hours away, and is in the middle of a divorce. Now she is a great girl, but I am just not ready for such things in my life, and I can't see it going anywhere. Well, this weekend it became apparent that she is getting emotionally connected to me, even though she said she just wants to have fun and nothing more. I don't buy it, she even went to the point of telling me she was obsessed with me and needed to see me more then once every couple weeks. Even joking that I needed to sell my house and move closer to her. How do I let this girl down gently without causing her more heartbreak in her life?

Honorable Guy
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Dear HG,

Victor's Take:

Be honest. If you don't make your true feelings known now, the hurt that she will experience down the road will be far greater. Tell her what's on your mind and in your heart. Express to her that the last thing that you want to do is hurt her, and this is why it is so important that you deliver this message. Will she be hurt, disappointed even? Probably, but I promise you this - she will respect you for the truth.

Remember - it is difficult if not impossible for 90% of the population to separate sex and emotion/love.

--Victor
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Ronnie's Take:

I've walked that walk before. I have found that the only thing you can do is be honest and communicate crystal clear. It is up to her. I always felt like keeping the friendship is worth more than hurting the person just to keep up the sex end. Be honest at ever turn. You enjoy the weekend flings because that's what works in your life right now, and there is no room for anything more. If she can't handle that, you understand, and would rather go back to just being friends. The bad part is this even makes them realize how good of a guy you really are and they want you even more-- that's why I said it's up to her, you can't control or change her feelings.

--Ronnie
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Eddie's Take:

If you would have asked me this ten years ago, I would have just told you to avoid her. I admire that you are such an honorable guy that wants to do what is right. I have since evolved from the bad guy I was, so let's see what I would do.

First, just be straight up with her. You can't hold back on your decisions just to spare someone's emotions. Sometimes, you just have to do what needs to be done. This is no different than firing someone. You have to take your feelings out of the equation, as well as understand that time will heal her hurt.

Your second choice is to slowly end things, but you risk the chance of her becoming even more attached to you, so that might not be a good route to take.

Honest communication goes a long way, so just open up to her. The times when we are faced with difficult decisions are the most character-defining moments of our lives.

Good luck.

--Eddie
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