Friends or More???

Dear Ask 3 Guys,

Ok I'll try to make this short. My ex and I dated for 8 months, we told each other we loved each other, stayed over at each others houses and had a great relationship. Out of no where he said that he wanted a break, but that he still loved me and cared about me. He said his issue was that he just wasn't ready for another relationship. (we both ended a 2 year relationship 6 months before we got together)

Now here is the confusing part, since we broke up, we've been together everyday still and I pretty much live at his house. We are still intimate and when we are alone very affectionate. However in public we don't kiss or hold hands. It's been about 2 years since we broke up and this has been going on. Am I just stupid for staying around and hoping things will change and we will be together or what? I'm at a loss of what to do I love this man with all my heart, he says he feels the same but if he did then why aren't we together?

--So Sad in So Cal
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Dear So Sad,

Ronnie's Take:

Yes tell him how you feel. Player pops up in my head. Did he always not like public affection or only after the conversation? Yes 2 yrs of that is stupid. Sorry but you been on break for 2yrs. 2yrs on break-- I'm speechless. Don't even communicate--- RUNNNNN.

--Ronnie
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Victor's Take:

First and foremost, I have a question. When you guys originally started dating, was he affectionate (holding hands, kissing etc) in public? If no, then your question is moot. There are guys out there that just aren't affectionate enough, public or otherwise. Some women can handle that, others cannot.

I'll assume that he was affectionate when you two dated the first time. If that is the assumption....

I think you are the rebound relationship and that it (your relationship) is a "relationship of convenience". That is my initial gut reaction when I first read your question. You two do love each other, you both are "comfortable" with each other, etc. But, deep down inside - both of you know that there is something missing.

Here is what I would do: COMMUNICATE!

"He says he feels the same but if he did then why aren't we together?" - EXACTLY.

Sit down and have an open and honest discussion about your feelings. You are not getting what you want out of the relationship anyway, what have you got to lose by putting it all on the table? Worst case scenario, he breaks up with you. We live, we love, we move on... that's life.

Look, I've loved a few women in my life. I still love a few. Just because you love someone, does not mean you were destined to be together forever.

I wish you nothing but the best.

--Victor
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Eddie's Take:

Stop giving him the milk for free!!! Apparently, this guy wants to bear the single label-- that way he can do whatever he wants without any consequences. I am sure that he is sexually active with someone else (if not many more). I agree with Ronnie-- this has player written all over it. And, I am sure that you are being faithful the whole time, right? This guy is reaping all of the benefits, without the rules of a relationship.

If you have a genuine friendship with this guy, you will see that it will be untarnished in the absence of sex. If, however, the friendship is impacted, you will understand that his motives were to use you sexually.

So, communicate with him, and let him know that the sex and closeness is confusing you. Tell him that you continue falling in love with him, and, if he doesn't want to commit, you cannot set yourself up for failure.

Miscommunication is the root cause of so many problems.

Best of luck to you.

--Eddie
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