How do I let her down easy?

Dear Ask 3 Guys,

There is this girl that is a friend of a friend of minethat I have been knowing for almost 20 yrs.She saw me on MY friends pageabout a month ago.Ever since then she has been emailing me,leaving tons ofcomments on my page.and sending me tons of stickers and all with things like"call me",wanting me to go out with her every weekend,and BBF kind ofstuff.I met her and I just didn't feel a connection,at all.She lives withher mom and has no kids and I do.I have a family life and just don't havethe time to party all the time.She seems kind of obsessed with me.I don'tfeel that she fits the cryteria of my circle of friends.I'm totally not amean person but I just don't feel like I want to be friends with her.How doI let her know this without hurting her feelings?

--Not Interested
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Dear NI,

Victor's Take:

Honesty and communication.

Clearly, you don't want to be mean but there is a nice way to deliver your message. Almost every message can be delivered in an amiable fashion.

When she emails or comments, just let her know - "Hey, I'm super busy with my family/kids... I'm glad to see your life is going well". Be short and sweet and stay on message. If you continue to send that message, she should realize that you are focusing on your family/kids and that is your top priority in life. For most people, a mismatch of priorities constitutes a taking a different direction. I think she will get the message.

If, after repeated attempts, she does not get the message I would then and only then take a more direct approach.

Good luck.

--Victor
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Ronnie's Take:

Unfortunately there is no way to tell somebody that you are interested in them as a person(friend). You just must know that you are making the right decision by being honest in the long run. Put the blame on you that you are in a place that just doesn't allow the freedom that she has. Build her up and place the blame for no connection on you. Tell her you value her enough as a person to tell her.

--Ronnie
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Eddie's Take:

Try this--- blow her off! There's no connection. Okay-- big deal. If you spend your life basing every decision you make on whether it hurts someone's feelings or not, you are going to make yourself miserable.

Just listen to how this sounds... "I met this girl, but there isn't a connection. Should I make myself miserable by staying with her, so I can spare her feelings?" Of course not.

Life goes on. She'll get over it. I'm sure being dumped by you isn't the worst thing she'll face in life.

--Eddie
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