I Just Wanna Go Back Home!

Dear Ask 3 Guys,

Here's my question. I am a transplant from Louisiana and have been away for about 3 years. I would love nothing more than to be back around my family and friends back home. The problem is that I am married to a great man but he absolutely hates Louisiana. We've lived there when we first married and he had a very bad experience there overall. My family really didn't like him, he lost a really good job, and he complained about never seeing his family and friends. Now we are both set in our careers and have some good opportunities back in Louisiana now. I am just absolutely miserable away from home and really think passing up the job offers back home is a BIG mistake. Ive talked to him about how much I hate where we live several times and his response is" Baby I love you but if you really wanna move back you are going to have to do it without me". What do I do to convince him that I cannot stand being away from home anymore?

Homesick
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Dear Homesick,

Victor's Take:

I'm guessing that when you married him, you knew of his disdain for Louisiana but that was not a deal breaker for you.

You could start packing and see what he does.

Seriously, everything in life is a trade off. Is your marriage more important to you than missing home, family, friends, and good job opportunities? Ideally, you could have your cake and eat it too. The reality, however is very different - life is not like Burger King, you cannot have it your way.

You could also work hard every day to make his life miserable until he gives in and gives you what you want. It worked on me in the past.

I think you sit down one more time with him and make a pro / con list. Go over all the possible scenarios and leave no stone unturned. If the only con he can come up with is, "I hate Louisiana" the list is going to look kind of silly in your favor, isn't it? That's the approach I would use to "convince"
him.

Ultimately, you cannot make him do anything. If you go for the making him miserable approach, you might move home but he will resent you for the rest of your life and I'm thinking that is not the correct equation for a good marriage.

I hope it works out for you.

--Victor
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Ronnie's Take:

Relationships are about sacrifice. You can't change where your heart is, but you have to decide which one is your-- heart your home or your hubby. You can replace a hubby, but not a hometown and family. He has made his decision clear and hasn't mis-led you in any way. Make a decision and make the best of the result you choose.

--Ronnie
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Eddie's Take:

I have a friend that is in a similar situation, and it is a tough one to be in. When someone has a bad experience in a place, it is not easy for them to want to go back. My friend has tried several times, but his wife has said that she will never move back there with him. When you find yourself at a crossroad, such as this one, you have to evaluate the pros and cons of the situation. There is no win-win scenario her. You stay where you are-- you are miserable. He moves-- he is miserable. The bottom line is that life is about making yourself happy. When you reflect on your life, you don't want to have a bunch of what-ifs. It sounds to me like you miss Louisiana bad enough to make the move without him. Is that something you are prepared to do? There's no magic recipe here-- just a tough decision.

If you value your marriage, things may be able to work out where you are. If the marriage is unfulfilling, then follow your heart back home.

I wish I could paint a better picture, but it is what it is.

P.S. Try researching the job market for him. Maybe a better career would make him consider.

--Eddie
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