We broke up, but he still has my stuff.

Dear Ask 3 Guys,

I was seeing this person for about a year and I finallydecided to call it quits. The question I have is he still has stuff at hishouse that belongs to me and he refuses to give it back. Just an opinionabout how guys think would be nice. There is no turning back for me withthis person, what do you think.

Collateral Damage
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Dear Collateral Damage,

Ronnie's Take:

The whole object here is to get your stuff back. Wait a few days. Time helps. Kill him with kindness. A sk him what is he gaining by keeping your stuff. Is it really that important to him? Would he have rather you stayed with him when you saw no future? Challenge him by saying that you thought he would be more mature about this. Be nice about it. Tell him it would be nice to see him again like a friend.

--Ronnie
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Eddie's Take:

This is a tough situation. If he is by any chance a phycho, then just forgot about your stuff. There is nothing you can do, short of calling the police, to get your belongings back. If he is a somewhat civilized person, then you have a shot.

First, be nice when you talk to him-- even if you have to grin and bear it. If you have some valuable or sentimental things, try playing on his emotions. Let him know that these things are very important to you, and you wish he would just give them back. Tell him your are not trying to cause any problems, and there's no reason to keep your things just to be mean. Apparrently, he is not over you, and this is his way of trying to get you back. Don't fall for that.

Lastly, if he doesn't cooperate, tell him you have no choice but to take care of this from a legal standpoint. My caveat there is that he may get pissed and destroy your stuff.

In the end, don't put yourself in a difficult situation over material things. Just about anything can be replaced, and, sometimes, ex's can just be retards about doing the mature thing.

Let us know how it worked out.

--Eddie
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Victor's Take:

This is a tough question for me because I am usually the "amiable" break up guy. "Take your stuff, yeah whatever you want to take, I don't care" - that guy. I just never really put any serious value into material things. The sentimental things, that's a different story and a different question.

I assume we are talking about material things with tangible values here like TV's, sofa's, CD's, DVD's, etc.

I would let things cool off and then write him a letter asking him for your stuff back with an itemized list - nicely. Use words like please, appreciate, and help - plenty. Send it certified mail, keep a copy of the receipt as well as a copy of the letter. Tell him in the letter you expect a response within 30 days of the receipt of the letter. If you receive no response within 30 days from him, you next step is small claims court, although another certified letter from a lawyer asking more firmly for your stuff back would be a good second step. Every jurisdiction in the Union has laws that govern these types of situations. Make sure that you can prove most of the stuff that you are claiming is yours. Credit card billing statements, receipts, and affidavits from witnesses that can verify that the items in question are in fact yours would all be helpful in your pursuit.

I hope the two letters work and it will not come to taking your ex to court.

Good luck.

--Victor
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