Was I Just a Booty Call?

Dear Ask 3 Guys,

Hi guys! I have a question that is best answered by a guy. Or three! I hung up my dating shoes a few years ago because I just didn't enjoy it. Recently however, I decided to give it another try. I met a guy on an internet dating site a few weeks ago. I decided to go out with him even though I wasn't all that attracted to him. Once we met, found I really liked him (but still wasn't that physically attracted to him). We had a fabulous first date...drinks, museum, dinner and a little makeout time that got a little bit passionate. We happened to be at a hotel bar and he invited
me to "get a room" I declined saying I'd rather we get to know each other better but was definitely interested in that option later on. A few days later we had a second date...coffee and conversation ...also nice. We planned a third date for the following week...dinner and a movie and then...you know...get a little "closer". I'm 49 years old, divorced, independent and successful. It's been over 2 years since I've been intimate with anyone and he, being older also, seemed like a good candidate. So the big day comes... instead of him showing up, he calls to tell me he's tired
from travelling, he's almost home, and would I like to come over for a sleepover. I didn't know what to think! We just went from having a nice date with a nice ending to a "booty call". I declined. That was pretty much "the end." So what's the deal? What did I go wrong?

Not a Booty Call
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Dear NBC,

Ronnie's Take:

Did you ever think he was telling the truth? Maybe he was tired and was feeling comfortable enough with you after a couple of weeks to say that. Did you try telling him how you feel? Communication is the easiest form of solving a problem. You had nothing to lose by telling him how that made you feel. Most older people can handle a booty call, especially when he has did some wining and dining. Sounds like he put some time in and wasn't rude anywhere along the process. On another note, I do have a problem with you not being attracted to him. While that is far from everything in a relationship, it is a big part. You two didn't have much a chance. Giving up on dating closes an option in life and you never want to limit your options. Take your time and pick your spots.

--Ronnie
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Victor's Take:

Let me ask you a question. Did you think for one second that he might be telling the truth?

"he calls to tell me he's tired from travelling, he's almost home, and would I like to come over for a sleepover"

Also, he did say sleepover. He didn't say booty call or sex or anything remotely close to it. If you sleep over, is sex an automatic forgone conclusion? I don't think so, and maybe he didn't either.

Did you ask him?

I'm as sexual of a man that you will ever meet, I sleep with women all the time and don't have sex sometimes. If you set limits / put a boundary up, I will respect that.

It sounds like your first two dates went fairly well. Also, I understand you not wanting to go over there for a "sleepover", but what I don't understand- why not reschedule the date? Or did he already do that?

On your first date, he invited you to get a room with him. You declined, yet he still asked you out again. Did you get offended when he asked you to get a room? I'm guessing no. Now, you are going to get upset when he asks you to come over for a sleepover?

These are the kind of mixed signals that drive men nuts! (I know, women
too...)

It sounds like you two hit it off and had chemistry. Go out with him again.
Maybe that's why you are not having fun dating. You cannot have fun when you are overanalyzing so much.

--Victor
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Eddie's Take:

I would think that someone older is really not interested in playing games. Guys have a tendency to get comfortable much faster than women. It sounds like he felt like things were going good enough, so asking you over was okay.

I admire you standing your ground, but all you have to do is communicate that to him. If you have already had a bit of intimate time with him (and, he called you for another date), then he must have really starting liking you. It sounds like you met a genuinely good guy, and every woman will tell you that there isn't too many of those out there.

So, put your dating shoes back on, give this guy a call, and try to rekindle what was starting to blossom.

P.S. Looks are temporary anyway. When someone makes you feel complete, they are beautiful to you.

--Eddie
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