Should I let my son's girlfriend be in his room?

Dear Ask 3 Guys,

My son is 21. A great kid, going to college, works 2 part time jobs and lives at home for free (with the condition that he maintains good grades while in school). He has a new girlfriend who I really like. The prior girlfriend was such a nightmare, I refused to let her in my house due to her lying, suspected drug use, etc. His new girlfriend is 23, lives at home and goes to college as well.

Today I made a comment that if my son's room was cleaner, he could have his girlfriend up there watching TV instead of our small couch downstairs. The look on his face made me realize that maybe I was being too lenient?

Honestly, they are both old enough to be on their own and it's none of my business if they are having sex, but should I put limits on her being in his room?

Mom
******

Dear Mom,

Eddie's Take:

I lived with my parents several times after the initial move-out. My parents never openly addressed what went on in my bedroom, but she had to know what was going on. I think you are looking at this the right way. You son is old enough to have those types of desires, but just keep it as a "don't ask, don't tell" topic.

In times of need, my parents were there to help me. Making it hard with the "my house-my rules" approach would have probably resulted in me resenting them. They just let me live there, and I did my own thing-- work and school. I didn't bring alcohol in the house, because that was one rule that was enforced out of respect for my mom.

So, sounds like you have a good son on your hands. As long as he keeps is grades up and stays out of trouble, who cares if he gets his peter wet?

--Eddie
********

Victor's Take:

My dad use to have a saying: "When you live in my house, you will live by my rules."

My mom and dad, however, were lenient. Their philosophy was a simple one:
"I'd rather have them under my roof where they are safe then out on the street somewhere." They were not enablers by any stretch of the imagination, but I had girlfriends sleep over when I was 18 - in the same bed. I also had a job, was going to college and had my stuff together - much like your son.

I think you need to make your own rules and he needs to abide by them as long as he lives there. If you are asking me for my opinion, and I think you are - I would let her sleep over, go to his room... all of it.

I would rather my son in his home than in a cheap hotel room or even worse, in a car somewhere. But, that's just me.


--Victor
*********

Ronnie's Take:

Sounds like you have been on top of your game with the raising of your son. He is 21 now, and you seem to have instilled good values in him as seen by his good grades and respect for you. Benefits of a clean room should even motivate him more. Twenty-one of good parenting won't be undone be this judgment. If you trust him after 21yrs to have a girl in his room, and still respect you and the house, then yes, you made the right call. Stick to it

--Ronnie
**********