I am not a slut... get over it!!!

Dear Ask 3 Guys,

To put it bluntly - my husband acts like I'm a slut. I have never cheated on him, never even been tempted to, but for some reason the fact that I lost my virginity before we met really seems to bother him (he was a virgin when we met). He judges me by what I did in high
school, which was over 10 years ago for me. I can't change my past, and I can't figure out what to do to get him past this. He tells me if he thinks someone on TV is attractive, which doesn't bother me, but if I say anything about a man on TV, he acts like I'm going to run off and sleep with that person. I reassure him regularly that I love him and I'd never cheat on him, but I can only hear it so many times before I just want to run away. What can I do to help his poor self esteem?

Always Judged
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Dear Always Judged,

Ronnie's Take:

Well check a few things here. Have you communicated your feelings in a clear and concise manner? Does he meet the 80/20 rule? Does he make you happy 80% of the time? If he does, then communicate as much as you can, but that accept no relationship is perfect, and learn to live with it. It's real easy to just laugh something off. Laugh and say yeah right-- if it's not that big of a deal for you. Is this a deal breaker? His insecurity is what is leading to the attacks. Can you live with that?

--Ronnie
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Victor's Take:

It sounds like your husband is a very insecure person. These insecurities probably stem from his childhood. I'm assuming you knew about these insecurities and self esteem issues during your dating years and chose, for whatever reason, to overlook them. You are not the only one, believe me.

Your husband needs to see a psychologist/psychiatrist as soon as possible.
Your job is to be a wife, not to be his self esteem life coach or insecurity fixer. The hard part is going to be that you are going to try and convince him to go. You cannot; it is a decision he needs to make on his own.

I hope, for your sake and his, that he will get help and will not force you to "run away".

Good luck to you.

--Victor
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Eddie's Take:

First, make sure that there isn't anything that you are doing that he may perceive as crossing the line. Sometimes a woman likes attention a bit too much, and that can bother a husband. Do you dress a little too sexy when you go out? Do you often go out without him? Do guys hit on you often? These things, though small and trivial to you, may make him feel like he could lose you to someone else. I read a management book once that talked about filling your employees bucket. Basically, their low esteem is a result of constantly dipping out of the bucket. Compliments, thanks, and showing love are great ways to fill your husband's bucket. It's no different than weeding a garden. You have to put in some work to reap the benefits of a beautiful garden.

It is obvious that he doesn't see how much you love him. Guys can be very child-like in regard to this. He needs to know that he is number one. So, try putting him up on a pedestal once in a while, and see how that turns out. Make him feel like that hottest guy on the planet... you know, give his ego a stroke.

--Eddie
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